


It's Me And You...Till The End

by Dakine1105



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Custody Arrangements, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Gen, Married Couple, Oral Sex, Separations, Sex, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:16:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 29,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9559301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dakine1105/pseuds/Dakine1105
Summary: Please read "No one like you" Part one of Brian and Mia s journey together.This story follows them as a married couple, parents, business partners.





	1. Family vacation

I'm sitting in the kitchen, Amelia is on my lap pointing at my laptop screen , she's turned three on Christmas Eve almost a month ago, she's so smart , we are looking at Disney world , again fourth time today , we leave for there in two days family vacation, kids are excited my parents are coming with us she points at princess Belle which happens to be her favorite princess "ohh daddy I see her at Disney right?" I nod yes " I take picture with hers? " I nod yes she claps her hands I love her excitement she kisses my cheek "daddy beard (she touches it) scruffy " she laughs then hops  
Down "daddy grapes please ?" I get up to get her some " ok sugar here you go " I hand her the bowl of grapes, "tanks daddy" off she goes to find Benjamin cat her favorite kitty , Mia and Landon went to pick up snacks for the flight my kids love thier snacks and keeps them occupied . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I walk upstairs after organizing our luggage and what we are taking tomorrow to Disney. As I walk into Landon's room I stop in the doorway, the three people I love most in this world all asleep on his bed , the book Bri was reading to them at his side Landon half on Bri half on the bed, Amelia asleep on his shoulder, my three loves , they are my life , I know that it took work to get here I know there's more to be done and I also know , loving Brian and working thru the hard times brought me here, and two children , the love for them is immeasurable, I'm so blessed , I go over kiss all three I contemplate waking Bri they all look so peaceful...I decide I'll shower first, cover them up and head to a relaxing shower @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Up in the air and the Quinn family is happy and content, Amelia is sleeping between my parents , Landon is eating inbetween Mia and I watching a movie, I adjust his headphones they keep falling , I put my arm behind him and tap Mia on the shoulder, "yes Mr Quinn?" I grin " this hat love it it pulls so far down with my sunglasses it's a great thing " she nods at me then winks, it's been getting harder to go unnoticed , I am ever grateful for my fans , but it's a lot and when I'm with my kids most people respect that but the ones that don't ...it doesn't end well...I purposely got my haircut short for this trip, that way maybe I'm not as recognized, Disney is a busy place so fingers crossed I just wanna relax make memories enjoy my family, that's what I want, pretty simple right ? @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ It's not too crowded this time of year , which is why we chose this time and it fit in well with the tour , by the time night fell kids were happily exhausted as we carried them sleeping to the tram to take us back to our hotel , my parent's looked just as tired as the kids, our rooms are adjoining suites, when we got into the room it was a good time for the kids running in and out of each room , the little things make them happy still....thankfully . "Honey they slept thru cleaning up and pjs on I mean Landon was snoring a little, I say Disney once a month " she laughs "oh they'd love that..it was a great day ..this view is so pretty Bri " I walk over and join her by the slider to our balcony, it is a nice view all the lights....I pull her close to me she kisses my cheek and wraps her arm around my waist, these are the moments I keep in my head, when I'm away, as of late for me it's harder and harder to be gone.


	2. Time to tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

Landon and Amelia are happily eating ice cream under an umbrella , it wasn't as hot as yesterday I'm thankful for that  
Brian went to get us waters , his parents went back to the room to rest they were up early with us, he comes back with waters and popcorn "you know any popcorn I have in the future will never compare to Disney popcorn, I'm ruined " I laugh and nod he's right it's so good " my parent's are taking the kids tonight , you and I are going out " " we are ? " he nods , I love he planned that , just us time it means so much to me, and for him too "thanks honey , where are we going ?" " that Hawaiian restaurant you wanted to try not far from our hotel , I booked us for 7pm baby " I lean over kiss his sweet lips "thanks honey ". The kids giggle , they usually do when they see us kiss each other "mommy you  
Love daddy ?" I nod " lots and lots " he giggles "me too mommy , Daddy you love mommy ?" " every day " they both laugh, it's what we always tell them when they ask, we tease them sometimes and say something different they quickly  
Say no that's not right , so funny . Amelia wipes her mouth , looks at me then Bri "I gonna marry Landon " "sissy you can't member I'm you're brother " she ponders this .... "Ok then Prince charms " we crack up she says charms instead of chArming every time , "when you're like 45 that sounds good to me princess " she shakes her head yes , having no idea her dad is going to make her into a crazy old cat lady.  
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Her lips are so damn soft , anytime i feel them , at the moment they are kissing the crook of my neck stirring a heat in me I need to unleash soon , her hands glide under my shirt , lightly scratching my skin I gasp then move my head down to kiss those lips I love again , the breeze feels good out on our balcony , I push her gently into the railing and run my hand under her dress to the top of her lace panties, gliding my thumb over thd lace i move my hand down, i feel the dampness inbetween her legs, i move her panties to the side run my finger over her clit she moans into my mouth, I push my finger inside her, pumping it in and out, a gasp then moaning , I love her body, i love how she reacts to my touch "Bri.....mmmm so good, " "I think I should put something else inside you , right here " she bites her bottom lip  
and agrees , She unbuckles my belt, pulls my zipper down, her hands take me out, I stop pushing my finger in and out of her and move her up using the chair on the balcony, she strokes me up and down, so good, "you ready for me baby?"  
" bri I'm always ready for you "I slowly enter her , our eyes locked together, I fuck her slowly, she moves with me, so sexy, I move faster now "Bri, you fill me up, God I'm going to miss this while you're gone, 17 days, awful " I kiss her neck "it is baby .....but my plan was to fuck you alot tonight, i mean is that ok with you ?" she nods moaning i feel her  
legs shake , she grips my shoulders and cums, i explode in her, so fuckin good ....round one...complete. @@@@@@@@@@@\\\@@\@@@@@@@@@\\\\\\\\\\\\\@@£££@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I hug and kiss Landon again, tell him I love him so much and I will skype him later he hugs me tight tells me he loves me too , I hug him close for a few minutes I look and see Amelia has tears in her eyes, Mia is holding her, I put landon down and take Ameila from her I tell her i love her so much, and kiss her sweet face "no daddy not go, stay heres please daddy " my heart aches , she s crying laying her head on my shoulder, I look at Mia, she gives me the I know look , I rub her back tell her I will skype her later, hug her tight, try and put her down, she has a death grip around my neck ...after minutes of her crying, mia helping me move her , I go I kiss Mia , pat Landon s head and leave them in the hotel room, I can hear Amelia crying down the hall, off to work I go...feeling like the worst dad ever.


	3. Pretty soon

Seven shows down ..it's been pretty good with the exception of missing my family , we are headed to Nebraska  
It's raining all day , good sleeping weather but I can't sleep it's almost seven pm , Mia should be face timing soon,  
Sal is sleeping, Joe's going over paperwork, Murr is watching Netflix , I hear my phone go off I pick it up from the couch I'm lounging on, hit accept and see my two babies "hey you monkeys I see you " they laugh then proceed to tell me about their day, what they ate, I love hearing and seeing them my God I miss them I just want to hug them, kids their little faces, I enjoy stories about checkers, pretzels and Oreos ..Mia pops on the screen , my Mia, I miss her so much it's good to see her face, talking and seeing her makes me happy and at the same time sad. Landon shows me his latest Lego creation "see daddy I made this you like it ?" I nod " I love it buddy you did an awesome job " he smiles it melts my heart , we say goodnight , and I tell Mia I'll talk to her pretty soon. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

It's 4:09 am I had about two hours of sleep...Amelia is sick , fever , she threw up twice poor baby, I pray Landon doesn't get it ...She just fell asleep in our bed hopefully for a while I have inventory to go thru for the on line comic Brian started , merchandise it does pretty well , we also have a marketing company we manage , I'm just so tired and Landon has preschool today , I close my eyes welcome sleep .  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"Damn Landon has it too " I say outloud as we're backstage inbetween shows, poor kids, poor Mia , Joe looks at me "ahh geez man that stinks , sorry " I nod "yeah me too...I feel bad she's dealing with that and I'm here " Murr "Brian you're here doing what you love, kids get sick , Mia is a great mom , she's strong , she supports you 100% , " yes right I know ... But I can't handle the guilt "thanks buddy " five minutes till stage I text Mia tell her I love her and the kids talk to her soon...seems I'm saying that a lot as of late. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I just got done working the inventory, thanks to Mark , Bri s buddy and our business partner he helped me so much With both kids down and out, he s still a fireman that's where Bri and him met . "Mark please stay for dinner I made eggplant parmesan yesterday I'm heating you up some " he happily nods "Mia I love you're cooking you know I'm staying " "good wine? Beer? Water? Ice tea ?" He thinks " water please so it doesn't remove you're food from my taste buds " I laugh and go get it , I set it down then excuse myself to check on the kids, they are asleep in Landon s bed, no one has thrown up since 2pm and they kept jello and crackers down fevers aren't as high ...I turn the monitor up all the way to hear them as I head back down, I take the eggplant from the oven and set it on the table , I call Mark in he sits and we eat "ok....this is delicious, Brian is a lucky lucky man , not only are you smart, pretty and a great mom you kick ass at cooking " I blush from his compliments "thank you Mark, I consider myself quite lucky he's pretty great himself " he nods keeps eating we talk about bri, the business, he's recently divorced one little boy Landon's age His son, Jacob isn't understanding why daddy lives someplace else it's truly heartbreaking, I couldn't imagine nor do I ever want to.


	4. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

I'm home and hours earlier than I thought wanted to surprise Mia and the kids, I put my key in the door and hear laughing as soon as I walk In the front door...I put my bags down and walk to the kitchen, Mia, and the kids and Mark are playing chutes and ladders, Landon is on Marks lap they all look up , Landon jumps down runs to me Amelia stands on her chair squealing daddy gets down and comes to me I hug them both ,give lots of kisses , Mia gets up hugs us "Honey we were expecting you at 8 I'm so glad you're home " I lean in and kiss her , Mark gets up , Landon goes to get his Lego creation , Amelia is holding onto me, Mark shakes my hand "how you doing buddy?" I smile " I'm good glad to be home , what's up? " he nods "came to bring more ginger ale so Mia didn't have to take the kids out, then kids wanted to play a game.." I don't know why. ...I just did not appreciate this scene , it's bugging me...my kids my wife , I'm being stupid I tell myself but I'm annoyed "daddy I almost better I had two popsicles today " I kiss her cheek "you are so lucky my princess" she lays her head on my shoulder I hug her tight , Landon proudly shows me his creation I kneel down "buddy that's so good you really but detail into this batmobile " he smiles " it was so fun, and you can build one too ok daddy ? " I nod "you bet I will " I kiss his forehead Amelia gets down pats my cheek then goes back to the table Mark sits back down "Amelia wanna finish the game?" She nods and calls out to Landon then goes to get him I walk past the table and to the counter where Mia is standing she points at the mail " all yours honey " I hear Mark's phone ring he steps out of the kitchen I pull Mia into my body she smells so good I could eat her...I will later she leans up wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me with passion my God I want her right now , I hear Mark come back and the kids , she whispers in my ear "we shall finish that later " then kisses my cheek , I turn to face the counter I'm kinda excited she grins knowing why I wink at her and open my mail..hoping Mark leaves soon. ..man I feel like a mean guy @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I love him, I mean love him, he just walked into the bedroom after bathing the kids and story time his shirts wet his hair is all dishelved he's so sexy I put my arms around his waist kiss his chest " you are one sexy man Mr Quinn " He nips at my neck "I bet , I look great " I nod kiss his sweet lips running my tounge over his bottom lip he groans I love that , so much he looks at me "what honey ?" I gotta say it...no I don't this is us time, and me being upset about Mark is dumb, right ,,yeah "I love you baby " I kiss him again and pull his shirt up and off move my mouth to his chest, kissing it, sucking on it he s so hot he runs his hands over my body, I shiver he moves us to our bed lays on me I touch his back, his chest, just to feel his skin he moves down my body kissing, sucking , licking , I feel him pull my pj pants off then my underwear his breathe hot between my thighs, he calls my name I move up on my elbows to look at him He gives me that look the heat I feel rising in my body, he wants me to watch , his head goes down and all I feel is heat, pleasure , and love, I can barely stay up, after a few minutes I fall back reach down and grab his hair, the things his tounge does to my body , expert is what he is, I want to last but no way that will happen, I cum he holds my thighs firmly , I'm panting he kisses all the way up my body till his face is by mine he slowly pushes into me the feeling of him in me is so intense it's sensitive and I love every inch of him he kisses me , then stares into my eyes those brown eyes are so beautiful he moves a bit faster "you're body , really loves my body " I laugh a little "you're tounge is dangerously wonderful ..." all for you baby, you are all mine, just mine " I nod " no one loves you like me baby....mine " I nod again and kiss him, his choice of words a little ...odd I know I'm his, there is no one else I want ever, his tounge finds mine and he pumps harder in me I move with him and kiss him hard, forgetting those words I can't get enough of him, I don't think I ever will, I adore him. An hour has passed , holding each other rubbing my hand up and down his chest his hand is on my back lightly rubbing it , I look up at him "I'm always just yours Bri" he looks at me "I know" hmmm"before you said I was yours just yours , mine you said...was that heat of passion or.... " he looks thoughtful "Just, I love you're all mine, and saying it out loud ... I don't know just wanted to " I'm skeptical but nod he smiles I move my lips to his chest , my hands go to his chest rubbing it I move my body down his , rubbing his dick it's hard pretty quickly, I position myself between his legs he moans I lick the tip then look at his face, "I had two dreams of me sucking on you , I've been looking fwd to this "he grins "baby you give it so well, and you know it I love the fact I am the only man you ever gave or will give a blowjob to, it's fucking sexy" I smile suck on the tip he moans " practice made perfect huh Bri? " he nods I take as much of him as I can in my mouth, and suck him he moans,yanks my hair, he pounds the bed with the hand that's not yanking my hair his legs shake and he releases in my mouth, I love the taste of him, I finish him up kiss his thighs and stomach and move back up him he flips me into my back Raises my legs and fucks me hard, I feel the force in his fucking I love it , I reach up and grab his arms the way he's in me , his pelvic bone is brushing against my clit , my God I want to scream it's so good , he cums in me, I cum right then , wow ...he lays next to me I cradle his head in my arms he sighs "I fucking love you baby " oh don't I know it.


	5. Should I just say it

Mia went to get her hair highlighted , the kids and I just came from the park, got some lunch my brother Danny came with us, kids are playing on the IPad I hand Danny his tea sit across from him , kids get up "daddy can we make slime ?" I nod " sure kitchen table I'll get the stuff " I get all the stuff , remind them none on the floor , I doubt that'll be true , I go back to the living room sit with Danny , I run my hand thru my hair "I gotta tell you , when I came home yesterday Mark was here, playing chutes and ladders with the kids, Mia at the kitchen table , I ...didn't like it wth is wrong with me ?" He nods " nothing's wrong with you , you're kids, you're wife , you were gone like two weeks, I get it Bri I do " " he's my friend , business partner , I felt bad getting mad, then I was like fuck it I'm mad , I get He s here to help, the divorce is hard on him , I don't know " he shakes his head sets his tea down sits on the edge of the couch "it's normal to feel jealous he's here with you're family , you came home being away , he was being helpful I'm sure but you know , can't trust many people even you're friends , happened to people we know and it's not Mia you can't trust , you know that's not what I was saying " I nod "I know bro I know " I'm glad my feelings were validated , I feel less crazy for feeling this way, I can't let it consume me though .  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I'm staring at two paint samples in the master bath , it shouldn't be this hard Bri walks in looks at me then the samples he points at the sage colored one "I'm partial to that too , I'm thinking yes then leave the wall by the tub ivory?" He nods " I can paint this week I have a few days off " "are you sure? It's you're time off I can hire someone, or Mark said he'd help " Bri looks at me, he doesn't look happy "I don't need Mark painting MY bathroom in MY house I got it " and he walks out ....well then ok , got it , I walk out he's downstairs looking thru his phone "what was that about ?" He looks at me "what was what about ?" I give him a look like really ? " I just can take care of things in my own home, ok ? " he's mad I'm not sure why but it's not even worth fighting about I sigh "ok so I'll buy the paint tomorrow after I take Landon to preschool?" He nods , I go to him kiss his cheek and go start some dinner .  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@\@\\\\\\\\\

I look over the added tour dates on my screen , seven shows added damn they said maybe three , turned into seven  
I get IM s from Joe then Sal, we Skype one another ,I see by their faces they are not happy we discuss how this was not ran past us before the dates were released , nothing we can do once they go on sale, Joe s calling our tour manager  
And asking for a meeting asap, these added dates , more time away , missing things with the kids, Joe And Sal are just as upset , Joes going to call Murr get his take I'm betting he won't be happy . I tell them both we will talk later , I'm off to the movies with Mia and the kids.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"Daddy can I come to the set this week?" I'm drying his hair after his bath " sure we can talk to mommy , you like to come to the set huh buddy ? " he nods "I luv it, you have the coolest job ever daddy , and before too when you was a fireman , mommy says that's brave " I smile , I love he's proud of me "and what's the saying ?" He nods " a fireman is the one running into a burning building when everyone else is running out " then he claps "daddy I'm gonna be a fireman !" " buddy you would be an awesome fireman " he nods and smiles at four years old he's so bright and has such a personality he reminds me so much of Mia , his spirit , his way he approaches things he looks just like me and is just like her, God I love him, I'm missing him , more and more whgo n I'm away .


	6. The road

At a deadlock, the four of us , tour manager, our production assistant. Seven added shows without asking us first  
This has happened before and it was promised it wouldn't happen again, but yet ....after many angry words, yelling ,frustrations we have to do it, tickets went on sale, scheduled to sell that's all , that's it, so instead of being gone a month it's about six weeks, six weeks away from my babies, my Mia , I'm disgusted and depressed .

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I'm not sure what to do he's just so upset he s playing ps4 with the kids for them he's going thru the motions of being happy , I know he's upset being gone longer, he was not thrilled about a month but now, I am not letting him know how's upset I am , I hate he's gone that long, the kids miss him so much , I do too and honestly some days it's not easy to be the only parent at home. We both know this is how it goes but it still isn't easy, plus I don't want to make it worse for him, I go in sit next to him, kiss his cheek he sighs I lay my head on his shoulder , Amelia climbs on my lap puts her controller down "mama we going to papa and grandma s house?" I nod " yes "we are going later for dinner and you get to play with you're cousins " she smiles "mama you tells papa and grandma come to my ballet recital ?" I cringe Brian s going to miss that now he looks at me " yes baby they know they'll be there " she claps her hands "yeah and you, and daddy and my brother , and my uncle's all there " I glance at Bri he looks like he's going to cry , I feel awful I feel like crying I kiss Amelia's head and rub his arm, Landon looks at Bri then me "daddy you sad ?" Bri clears his throat " no buddy , I'm not sad " he smiles at Landon, Landon holding his controller sits on Bri s lap continues to play I'm at a loss for words, I need to comfort him.  
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I'm talking to my brother and dad the kids are playing with they're older cousins I see my mom and Mia deep in conversation at the kitchen table, I go in to get a drink I hear my mom say to Mia maybe Mark can I whip around "maybe Mark can do what ?" Mia looks at me " help me get the new site done, we wanted it up and running by end of March , you ....won't be here so I need some help with it" that pisses me off " I can help on the road he doesn't need to help you " she looks at me " he's our business partner Brian it's ...he should be helping " I raise my voice "you heard me right ?!". She blinks at me I see tears in her eyes, dammit, my mom looks at me ,Mia clears her throat and sips her iced tea, I shake my head and walk out back to the living room, later before we get ready to go my mom comes sits next to me, "Brian I'm concerned about you , I know you are upset about how long you will be gone , and I know it's how it goes sometimes but honey , you can't take it out on Mia, she loves you so much Bri and she misses you so much when you're gone . So much falls on her when you're gone and she supports you...and Honey I know why you got upset about Mark, Bri honey Mia loves you . " " I know that ...just man I ... " can't say it "jealous right Bri ?" There my mom said it for me . ..I nod she sighs "I understand that Bri I do but...Mia ...never " I nod "I know mom, I I know " you worked hard Bri enjoy it, yes you will miss things with the kids, mia but there will be so much more you wont miss honey " she's right , she knows me well, she's pretty great my mom . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I watch her put lotion on her arms and hands as she stands by her side of the bed, she hasn't said much since my parents I feel awful she looks at me "I'm sorry Mia ,I didn't mean to be that way before " she continues to rub her hands "I miss you when you're gone Brian , it's not easy for me , I know it's worse for you being away from us..Bri you worked hard to get where you are, fought hard at times too...this won't last forever you and I know that, I support you Bri , I don't ever deny you what you have, I know you have ....as of late a harder time being away from us, but this is what you became, you and the guys sell out shows people come to see you, you're so talented ..we three Will be here Bri we are so proud of you " I tear up damn she is so sweet and I am mad about Mark..She comes over and hugs me I cling to her, she's my world my life line , I'm so upset and she's here making me feel better like always she kisses my cheek and holds me tighter she quietly says "you are my Bri, always " I hold her face and kiss her sweetly "Mia baby the love I feel for you...." I cannot talk she nods and tears up I pull her close, never wanting to let go.


	7. Not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

Ahh snow....as in almost three feet we got hit hard , no preschool for Landon, some stores shut down , I love being in the house with my three , I leave in 5 days so this is perfect to me, not sure my three will agree...but...I am loving it "daddy you see dat snow? we go play in it?" I smile at my little girl hands on her hips , head to the side " we sure are princess , you tell Landon ok?" she nods happily then runs upstairs , I walk into our office next to the living room I lean down kiss Mia's cheek she turns and kisses my lips "hi handsome, I hear you are heading into the snowy abyss known as the backyard?" I nod " we are...you joining us?'' " have to finish inputting the prices on our site about halfway thru, but...I can take a break " I turn her in her chair lean down resting my hands on the arms of the chair wiggle my brows she giggles "I have an idea for a break for you Mrs Q" she grins starts to say something when both kids bound in ,,,jackets almost on, snow pants dragging behind them hats and gloves on she laughs" well you almost have it my sweethearts but...snow pants on first " we both go to help them then go get our coats and boots , I watch my three as they get done to head out sadness creeps in, knowing I won't see them for 6 weeks...I dismiss it and go enjoy the snow play time. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I'm back to working the kids passed out asleep on Landon's bed , I hear Brian saying no I, thought he was asleep on the couch, I get up from my desk and go to the living room, he's upset but he's not awake , his arms are raised he keeps saying no , please no I go and kneel by him , he has not done this in almost a year I gently rub his head and try and move his arms they are stiff, too stiff I tell him baby wake up, its Mia...honey wake up, he keeps getting more agitated, I be sure to be very gentle with him you can't startle them, he sits up his eyes are open but he's not awake I can tell he stares at me, I take his hand tell him Bri wake up honey, you are ok, baby, he shakes his head then lowers it, slowly he raises his head looks at me he shakes his head gets up & goes into the downstairs bathroom, I sit there and wait, I get up to knock on the door I lean closer, I can hear him crying, my heart sinks I wait a few moments I gently open the door he turns away from me wiping his face , my Bri..I go stand behind him , he turns to look at me " I feel like I am falling apart baby, I ..just do...I am sorry I just " he cries again I pull him into me rubbing his back I feel his body shudder my heart just aches my sweet man,he hugs me tight, we stay like that for a while. He steps away and holds my hands, "I feel like..a failure...I feel like a wus, I am ...so I don't know, but I am you're husband a man and I need to not ...let this take me over but I have anxiety bad, about leaving, being gone l about being on the road what the fuck is wrong with me?" his eyes are pleading I hold back my tears, not easy to do "Bri nothing is wrong with you, you are a man , I never think or have thought any less of you..when you have felt this way ...and do not think for one minute I ever think less of you baby, it is a lot..what you do and I know being away is hard for you , maybe talking to you're therapist? I can go with you, let me know what I can do to help Bri...so much falls on you, I think you do not think its a lot but really It is, more than you will admit." he nods and looks at me , I place my hand on his cheek" we are going to figure this out Bri, we will get thru it , I promise" he nods and hugs me close , I tell him I love him , he quietly says, I know baby, I know. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ two days have passed since my "falling apart" ok maybe not that bad, but bad enough, I went to the therapist, Mia went with me, I was really apprehensive about her going, I did not want her to see me in that light , but after I thought about it, how stupid I was to think that , she has seen me at my all time low, at least here , we would be healing together, I love her so much, I thought the day we met, the years that passed I loved her, after the kids were born, I did...but my love for her is so much more than I realized, she has loved me thru so much , her love never waivered even when I fucked up big time she forgave me. I can never not be with her, I was honest in my session, except for one thing, I did not bring up my jealousy of Mark, I do not want her to think she did anything wrong and I know its what she would think, I keep that inside, really It's stupid cause I know she would never be unfaithful to me, its not her I don't trust, then I feel bad for thinking that way about a friend but.. I just can't help it. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I nibble his neck he smiles at me goes back to his texting I lean into him and tickle his arm he laughs puts his phone down ".can I help you with something mrs q " I nod then kiss his sweet lips "you know the kids are asleep for the night and I was thinking.. " he wiggles his eyebrows "tell me what you were thinking baby " I grin and rub my hand down then up his thigh "that dishwasher is not going to unload itself so you should get on that " he stares at me like what the hell did she just say ? I'm trying my hardest to keep a straight face I fail and crack up he grabs my waist and pulls me on his lap tickling my sides I manage to get free and run up the steps he's right behind me grabs me from behind tossing me on the bed I can't stop laughing neither can he "unload the dishwasher such dirty talk woman " I wrinkle my nose at him "turn you on did it ? " he shakes his head no then kisses me deeply I melt into him he pulls back looks at me "turned on you say , why yes , yes I am" I smile pull him back in for a kiss our bodies mesh together clothes come off , hands touching bare skin I never can get enough of him I know he hasn't been feeling manly as of late I'm going to help him feel that way but to me he always is "you are the sexiest man Bri no one ever has made my body feel the way you make my body feel the way you touch me. ...the way you fuck me ... no other man ever has or ever will my Bri " he looks intently at me he reaches down opens my legs slowly pushes deep into me "feel me baby ?" I nod grasping his shoulders he moves deep in me long strokes my god I hold back from Cumming I do not want him to stop "I love you Mia ...so much .. fuck you're beautiful " with that he thrusts in and out of me rapidly he cums in me moaning and saying my name I feel the heat in me rise and cum my god he's incredible. he lays his head on my chest I play with his hair he whispers I love you I say I know .


	8. Just you, just me

I'm picking play dough up off the kitchen floor, yet again I think it's just impossible for them to not drop any , they do have fun playing with it, Brian took them out for a while toys r us and froyo twist ,they are thrilled he wanted me to have me time which was incredibly sweet but I keep finding things to do and clean, and I miss all three of them. I go up to my room take my hair out of my ponytail and pick up a book I've been trying to finish and get comfortable on our bed I read about three pages and feel my eyes close .  
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Heading home I loved today toys r us , the park, froyo twist, walked around the dock, they love to see the boats all lined up for the winter , they really love when I take them fishing in the summer , I'm glad they wanna go my hope is to fish with them well past thier teen years, my babies . I glance back at them in the backseat Landon's asleep , Amelia is almost there. My mom is coming over tonight to stay with the kids, I want to take Mia out just us, alone time is needed with being gone six weeks it's important to me to just have us time. Sometimes I think one day when this is all over and I am no longer filming it will be better for us, but in reality we are just fine now, I worry cause that's what I do , I know she says she s ok with it, but deep down I wonder if at times she is not, which would be totally normal and fine I want her to know that , I don't know how to put that into words without it sounding dumb and I know how hard we all worked to get the following we have, that in itself amazes me daily, a little voice from the backseat brings me back "daddy I had SO much fun today, I gonna really miss you " I look at Landon in the rear view, up from his nap, Amelia out asleep now "buddy I am so glad you had fun today, I did too...I will miss you so much, and you know we will face-time and talk right?" he nods "Its not the same daddy , I miss you at bedtime the most, mommy reads ok but you do the voices in oh the places you'll go the best!" that touched my heart "thanks buddy, hey I can read it to you and you're sister some nights before bed like we do ok?" he smiles and nods"yeah daddy I like when you do that , deal!" "I love you Landon " he grins that knowing grin " and I love you too daddy with allllllll my heart " I really am a lucky man. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

He planned the whole evening which is quite sweet of him ,I love he did this, some Bri time . It doesn't matter where we go I just love being with him, we talk as he drives to our destination I look at him as he pulls into the back parking lot of the diner we went to the night we met "Brian I love we are here , we haven't been here since Ameila was born. "He smiles and nods we get out of the jeep and walk inside oh it's just like I remembered we get a booth in the corner I slide next to him he puts his arm around me I look at the menu and rub his thigh , after we order I turn to him wow I love his brown eyes he clears his throat"I knew that night ...I liked you a lot, but i didn't wanna scare you off" I smile at him "I was too busy being nervous to notice it I mean I hoped you liked me but I knew I wanted to see you again, and I did again, and again , i wasn't letting you go then...or now , we've been thru so much and became even stronger , that speaks volumes to me Bri, I never thought.....you know when we met I had broken up with Jay months prior I was in no way looking or wanting to date ....but that night at the wedding, you're voice when I turned around, I just felt my heart beating and you're eyes , that's all I saw, what I felt, you made me laugh that was our first interaction, I will admit I was nervous at first, but by the time we got here and sat down, talking to you was like talking to someone I knew a very long time " He smiles rubbing his thumb over my hand he's holding "you know when we first got serious, I was scared and not cause I did not think it was right I knew it was how much I loved you and..the fact that I never wanted kids, or marriage... you changed all that , and that was a sign you were my one" I look into his brown eyes I love so much "meant to be you and me my Bri, what I have always said and felt and I never thought that before ever" he nods " Just you , just me, belong to one another" "always babe" we lean in and kiss I think about all he said tonight and freeze this moment in my mind, when I am really missing him I will unfreeze it and enjoy it, immensely . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I am with the kids in Amelia's room , Bri leaves in the morning and I want to see if I can make some kind of headway with Miss Amelia " Amelia honey let s talk " she 's building with her legos Landon is helping her "ok mama bout what?" I move a little closer to her on the floor" well you know Daddy leaves in the morning (she stops playing to look at me, tears are forming) honey I know you miss him and he misses you so much too, and when he leaves I know it makes you sad, it makes daddy sad too...so maybe, you can try to tell daddy have so much fun and work hard , then we can talk to him before he goes and maybe that will make you feel better?" her and Landon are looking at me , Landon looks at her "sissy try no to cry it makes daddy feel bad " she gasps looks at me oh boy she looks at landon then me..man he 's smart :" I make daddy feel bads? oh no!" and with that the tears come , well this did not go well...damn, after I console her I try and explain it a little bit more then just give up, I let Landon know , not to say it again I know he did not mean to make her cry he s being honest, he's four its what he does. I thought I may make it better for Bri and my baby girl, epic fail. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


	9. Leaving ....Left

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

They both are asleep in Landon's bed , I watch them sleep burning in my brain this moment , they were both asleep before I finished reading to them , Amelia cried alot, she doesn't really comprehend six weeks but she just knows I'm leaving , Landon cried too , I think it all got to him , I know this is for them, they're futures but it breaks my heart every time . I love them with all that I am, and my Mia I remind myself it's not going to always be this way , and it helps, I leave here at ,4:30 am Murr is picking me up , I rub they're heads kiss them , tell them I love them so much , my babies, my life.  
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I lit the candles , I turned the bed down, I have on a tank and pj short set he loves, the lavender lotion he got me, I want tonight to be special , I'll miss him in many ways and sex is definitely one. It's a little silly but my mind does wander with him on the road so long, I know he's faithful but in the back of my mind, I remember what happened with his ex, yes I forgave him and never throw it at him, I see how women seek his attention, I see comments on his social media, I've been to !ive shows, I'm aware , there is insecurity within me, it will never go away , it happened after that incident, I know it's within me, he'd never know I keep it hidden. He's my husband, the man I love, adore , father of my babies, but it's deep within me and I don't see it leaving , ever. I hear him I kiss him as soon as he walks thru our bedroom door I wrap my arms around him, my body Instantly melts into his, I smell his aftershave, feel his beard against my face, he gently pulls away "sexy baby, you're so damn. Sexy ", I grin and kiss his sweet face he takes my hand guides me onto our bed , he removes his shirt and jeans , lays by me in boxers only he runs his hands up and down my body he looks into my eyes I reach up and cup his cheek I'm going to miss him so much , he moves over me gently kisses my lips I feel him in my heart, the pit of my stomach, my mind , I feel one with him, he's my life line, my breathe in my body is his, I can't ever be without him, I know I'll always forgive him no matter what, what does that say about me, I don't know , what I know is this man is the one , my one, always , he cups my face in his hands kisses me he looks so sad I could cry, I don't I hold it back, sad but full of love", Mia baby , it never gets easier missing you, it got harder , thought it would get easier , wrong " I kiss his face " you're supposed to miss me , that way you know what's home waiting for you " "honey I'm aware of that all the time , never am I not " god I love he said that I pull him close I want to feel him in me, I raise my head up and bend me knees he's deep in me, I move my body with his, I can't help but want him , he's so passionate, sweet, so in tune with my body, he's never not satisfied me, and I hope I do the same for him, he always tells me I do, he stops I look at him , he moves hair from my forehead where it fell I smile at him "I love you , you know I do, but I'll tell you everyday Mia " I kiss him "every day , and some days more than once " he nods we continue to move in sync he cums first, I follow I feel the warmth between us, he lays his head on my shoulder I play with his thick brown hair I love touching it, I whisper in his ear he grins then lays his head back on the pillow I kiss my way down his gorgeous body till I settle myself between his legs, I lick his length up and down a sexy moan I hear from him, I always send him off with a blowjob, plus I love doing it to him, he looks down we lock eyes , I feel him tense he's going to cum He moans louder his left leg shakes , I swallow all of it, I kiss each thigh then work my way back up he smiles and reaches for a kiss, I kiss him deeply, lay my head on his chest by the crook of his neck, I feel an emptiness creep in, he won't be here tomorrow night next to me. ... I'll look at his side of the bed, empty it's enough to fill my heart and eyes with tears.


	10. My worst distraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content Ahead *

I think I may go sit in the bathroom for some moments of peace today, I think a full moon was out last night? Or my kids have chosen to misbehave basically all day today .  
whatever the case I am so looking forward to bed time , as in theirs not mine, bickering and this is mine, not your's I wanted that first, she looked at me , he took my sock, yeah Amelia has this thing about socks on her feet,I am putting away clean towels in the kids bathroom and I hear them arguing yet again , they are coming up the steps I have no time to hide, they burst in telling on one another I just stand there and look at them, let them finish I seriously cannot even say stop it one more time, they both look at me, waiting...I shake my head pat each one on the head and walk past them , go into the kitchen to start the dishwasher...I hear nothing should I worry?  
well I am not...I hear my Iphone go off , face time, that's Bri I yell for the kids, I hit the button and see him, hat backwards, tesd shirt on, tour bus in the background, where are they , I think Kansas, been 11 days seems longer he smiles, "hey babe you ok? you look..." I smile "don't say tired I will get pissed off, hello to you , here are you're children " I hand them the phone and warn them if they argue no facetime, they listen I knew they would they are not missing daddy time, they get done after a while blow him 10 kisses at least I tell them pjs on brush teeth up they go I take the phone to see his brown eyes I love, so much "I take it they were...a little rambunctious today?' I laugh"or they misbehaved a lot...lots of bickering and whining,but tomorrow is another day , how are you ? in Kansas right? " he nods "yep one late show here, heading in soon to the venue, oh I sent 12 pink roses to Amelia for her recital should be there the Friday morning I wanted her to have them same day" he 's such a good daddy "she will love them Bri" "makes up for me not being there, well a little " I know he hates he will miss her first recital "honey I will record it all and send to you the moment she leaves the stage I promise" he smiles "thanks sugar" I grin "you're mom is so excited I think you're dad is too...Landon 's looking forward to the frozen yogurt after he's not fooling me " we both laugh, he has to go in a few, God I miss him, we say our goodbye's I watch the screen go black, I hold back tears and go up to see our little monkey's.  
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The bar is busier than we thought, me,Sal and Murr came down after the show, we are heading out in a few hours, next stop 2 shows and a hotel sleep which is better than the bus, but It's all good, we talk to some fans that stopped by, we met em last year here at meet & greets and this year too, they are pretty cool, it's chill and I like it just like that, it's nice to kick back, after a while it's just me, Murr, Sal and Owen he came along for a few shows to open for us again, " Brian you're wife and kids coming to meet you anyplace this tour?" I shake my head no "Mia's got so much to do with our new website, the kids have stuff , so not this time, I wish, man..I wish "he nods drinks more of his beer "you are a good man, a trusting man, " I look at him as he gulps more beer "what's that mean?" he laughs a little " dude you know I can see how Mark looks at Mia, you don't see that?" I feel my whole body tense, I see out of my side view Sal shaking is head no at Owen, Murr just looks at us , Owens half crocked but that pissed me off " he can look at her ...all he wants, no matter she's my wife and she loves me " he grins drinks more " dude man I did not mean to piss you off ...but.."  
Murr stands up pats his back tells him let s head to the bus it's getting late ,we take out money for the tab, Murr leads Owen away Sal looks at me " Q he's drunk, met nothing" I shake my head "oh I now he s drunk and I know he's right I have been feeling for a while he had a thing for Mia" Sal shakes his head " look Q even if he did, Mia loves you ,only see you , you have zero to worry about, you know that right?" I nod and walk to the bus with him, nice way to end my fucking night. I get on the bus and go right to the bed, it's my turn to get the big bed, I shut the door strip down to my boxers, its 2:20 am , I wanna call Mia so bad but I know she' s sleeping, I just wanna see her face, talk to her, Owen did not mean to piss me off, but he did, I know Mia may not even have a clue about Mark, but I know someone else sees it too, so I was right, I am so fucking anxious right now, I text her ,hit send...I bounce my leg up and down waiting I feel the bus move headed to Indiana , no text damn , I lay down and look up at the ceiling I get up to get my earbuds, some music maybe I grab my phone put my earbuds in and scroll thru my music library, hit my Mia file and close my eyes  
"all of me" plays in my ears, usually I would not like that type of music, Mia does she sings it a lot so I added it to my Mia playlist, I close my eyes and think of her..my facetime buzzes, I hit it to see my girl , music stopped playing , she has her glasses on , hair up in a ponytail, so fucking sexy she smiles "my Bri, why are you Up"? but I love seeing you " I wanna tell her what Owen said, I wanna tell her I agree with him..I don't " miss you , wanted to see you're face, sorry baby I know it's late "she adjusts a pillow on the bed, "so tell me about the show? the meet n greets " I smile and start to tell her about my evening, an hour has passed and I feel so much better she always calms me " Bri I miss you and let me tell you ...I miss the s-e-x a lot" she winks at me I throw my head back and laugh "baby me too...we need to uh....maybe you know...take care of that..." she grins and runs her tounge over her bottom lip " um now can you ? anyone around? " I sit up "nope got the room to myself...its just you and me babe"  
she smiles I see her move the phone down her body then back up to her face, I tell her she's so fucking beautiful she moves the phone down her body again this time I see her legs spread and black panties fuck I'm horny I tell her touch herself she gently pushes her panties to the side her Pussy fuck it's right there on my screen she starts rubbing her clit fuck so hot I grab my dick and rub it up and down she moans when I show her what I'm doing she rubs her clit in a circular motion like I do to her I see her whole body now she looks at me I tell her I wish I could lick her pussy she nods in agreement moaning , I'm pumping my hand faster I'm gonna cum I can tell by her moans she is too The dirty talk and seeing her rub her Pussy I grab tissues fast and cum fuck it feels so good I call her name just then I hear her say she's cumming and Oh Bri .. I'm sweaty and happy after a few mins I see her flushed face on the screen " ahh baby I needed that so bad thank you " I wink at her "I needed it too baby " my girl had phone sex well FaceTime sex With me , and here I Am thinking crazy thoughts about Mark I almost feel ashamed but I'm feeling too good at the moment to feel anything else.


	11. you are there...I am here

I am carrying in grocery's and some supplies to redo the downstairs bathroom, as I come back out Mark is in the driveway he was stopping by today to bring me paperwork for our business, "here let me help Mia" he grabs some stuff and carries it in for me, "thanks a lot Mark, I wanted to get the downstairs bathroom done and surprise Brian , I have the new cabinets ready to go " he smiles "nice work, you really are a go getter...it's nice to see , refreshing even " "thanks I love doing things in our home, I love this house I knew when we looked at it, I loved it and the area, I really never want to move, but I know eventually Bri will....anyways , how are you Mark?" he nods " I am ok...I miss Logan he's in Florida visiting her parents, she did not even ask me, or tell me till she was there " I shake my head  
"wow I am sorry, that's just..I mean can she do that? the custody agreement?" he sighs " I don't wanna argue with her, we spent half our marriage arguing, Logan has heard enough, but no she should not have done it, but she pretty much does what she wants with my son" I shake my head I am truly sorry, I can never ..imagine my life without Brian, and fighting over our kids, that's just rough, I never liked  
Ashley I was nice to her for Brian and Mark's friendship , she was always just rude & mean most of the time, I see how upset he is...I feel bad he looks around the kitchen " where are the kids?" "with Grandpa and Grandma , they took them till later on this evening when I pick them up, they love being there and they love having them, it's a win win, and I get some time to get shopping done alone, I do love them, but a little easier to get things done alone" he smiles " I get that, you are a saint Mia" I scoff "no really you are, I mean look how long, Brian is gone thru the year, and when he s home sometimes he films late, or records the podcast late and now they re starting their own podcast the 4of them , you really are a good wife" " well he's a great man, he worked hard I would never not support him the kids and I are very lucky we have him" he nods "so need any help in that bathroom?" I think " well if you can help me with a few things with the new faucet I got for the tub I would appreciate it " he nods " anything you need Mia" I am thankful for the help and company, gets a little lonely when he s gone, I don't go out with my friends, and do some things I normally would. Nice to have adult interaction.  
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ahh so tired , last show done I am back in my hotel room planning on showering, and then calling Mia , I know the kids are at my parents , I am sure home by now, I scroll thru my texts, nothing new, check my IG .,,see some pics from the show fans tagged me in, some meet and greet photos, my eyes stop and freeze on Mark's IG , there is a pic of him and Mia in our Kitchen , he s holding a beer , she's holding a Smirnoff , he typed "a little cold one after some manual labor with this one" wtf is that? I see it was posted 29 min ago, it's 11:40 pm I call Mia, she picks up on the first ring"hi honey ,  
kids fell asleep before they could talk to you I just tucked them in ..,,sorry honey" "when did you get home Mia? from my parents?" "almost an hour ago, they sent you a facetime message I told them you were on stage" I am SO f 'in pissed "Bri? hello?" "yeah I am here, why was Mark over helping you with Manual labor as he put it? when did he leave? and what was this manual labor?' she sighs  
oh I needed help with the tub downstairs just fixing a drain..he stopped by with some paperwork and he ended up helping me" I think ...oh ok he was there , the kids were gone how interesting "hey Mia I don't want him there when it s just the two of you " I hear silence... hello I say "are you for real ? Bri honey why would you say that? that's just silly" I explode "NO MIA IT'S NOT SILLY THE FACT HE WAS IN MY HOUSE WITH MY WIFE ALONE NO WAY , JESUS MIA HE WANTS YOU MIA, AS IN WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU , DO YOU NOT GET THAT ? I SEE IT AND SO DO OTHERS, I MEAN ARE YOU THAT CLUELESS? NO MORE DO YOU HEAR ME?" I can hear her breathing, I have never yelled like that before, I mean we have argued but... "I am not....good night Brian , you ...are so wrong" and with that she s gone oh hell no I call back she does not pick up, I text her , no reply , my fingers are texting so fast I am so mad , she really does not see it? or is she mad cause it s true? FML!!! why now>? on the road  
damn damn damn !!!!  
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I read and re-read his texts I barely slept I ended up calling him back & things just got worse from there, I do not ..this came outta left field, and he tells me he's been thinking it? and yet never says a word to me? if I would have known I would never have spent time with Mark until Bri and I talked about it, this is bad...really bad , I am angry,. he's angry he said some hurtful things to me, after all I tell him and show him how much I love him, he actually thinks I know Mark likes me , I mean I never thought that or see it, I see mark as a friend and business partner and he pulls this while he 's still gone another two weeks? I mean really? is he crazy? I love him so much and he ....I can't even think about it anymore, I am tired I have a full day of kids to take care of , if he wants to rant he can find someone else and I tell him that , send the text and try and get an hours worth of sleep in before the kids get up, I mean he's the one on the road with all those women fans who are always saying things they should not to a married man and not once did I accuse him...UGH I want so bad to say remember when you cheated on me with you're ex..and I STILL trust you , forgave you, course I do not , I do not know where this mind is anymore, but it sure as hell is not where is should be when it comes to us.  
"  
"


	12. Hurt Feelings

It's been 4 days , she barley talks to me, she puts the kids on face-time , I talk to them, she only texts me if I ask a question about the kids, tomorrow is Amelia's ballet recital, I wish I was home, for that and to talk to Mia, face to face I hate not talking to her, she's upset with me, and I am upset with her, I let my anger take over ok I get that ..but she has to understand why and right now she refuses to and I don't know why. I know I am stressed beyond belief and I miss the kids and I miss her, mad as hell at her, but I miss her. We have never done this before , I miss her voice and I miss her, and I am trying my best to maintain my emotions but it's pretty damn hard.  
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"Amelia honey almost done with you're hair , hold still please" she stops moving we are backstage I am just getting her all ready along with some other mom's before I go take my seat, she looks SO beautiful I kiss her cheek then stand up and take a picture and sent it to Brian, she looks grown up at 3, ugh tugs at my heart, I go to join his parents, his brother , Landon and my best friend Michelle in the audience, I get my phone ready to record her I feel someone sit by me I turn to see Mark, "hey " he says "I am late right?" I stare at him...thinking ...I totally forgot till this moment I mentioned to him months ago, before I knew Brian would not be here for it, to come ..with all that has been going on  
I smile at him, I feel nervous, how crazy Is this, "no you are not late, she will be on soon" I smile and get my camera ready to record, I look at Landon he's happily sitting between Bri's parents, his brother looks down sees Mark and waves  
does he know? did Bri talk to him? I do not want to mention this to him, we do not need added drama, who knows I sit back and wait for Amelia and her class to come on the stage, I miss him, I am mad at him but I miss him , I miss a lot and I feel miserable, the curtain opens she looks so adorable, I start to record, the music starts and I watch her tearfully and happily.  
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I am watching the video for the 5th time tonight, my baby girl, she was so good and so damn pretty, I got to talk to her after and the picture Mia sent me with Amelia and the roses I sent her, love . love. love. I miss my little princess and my Landon, and Mia, My three..., I wish she would talk to me, we said a few words before she put Amelia on face-time with me, but it's not the same between us right now , and I hate it. I go wait for the car service with the guys we have a radio interview today while we are in St Louis, great town I love coming here everytime we tour, people are truly some of the friendliest around and for me, at this point I appreciate it more than anyone can realize. We get in talking, its been such a great tour, seeing the same fans and the new ones it really such a thrill to me and the other guys , I reach into my pocket when I hear my phone go off, hoping it's Mia, it's not, I see a text from Mark asking about some designs for some merchandise we are getting out by this week, I answer him, I am mad at the guy and he's clueless, crazy I know  
we chit chat, and then I see he went to the recital and I feel anger, Mia never told me, nope never omg I want to throw my phone, I text him back I have to go I wanna talk to her, I really have nothing to say to him that would be nice so...at this point it's best I stop, I text her asking how did Mark like seeing the ballet recital? she texts back " I forgot I asked him to come Brian, when he sat down I was totally taken a back, I invited him months ago before we even knew you would be gone, you can think what you want, I have no desire or strength to argue with you about it, I do not like what's going on between us, it's like I am in another world, and I HATE it, like I said you should have told me how you felt about Mark when you felt it, and not while you are away for 6 weeks, how does that make sense? it does not, it's not fair to me Brian , or you , so if you are mad, be mad, nothing I can say or do about it to make it better, you made that clear days ago" she's right, dammit, I start to text her back when we arrive, we head in, I get my mind set for this, but she's heavily on my mind, she is always on my mind. The day goes on, we are ready for the meet and greets after the shows I am exhausted , so are the guys but this is part of it and without the fans, well guess what we would not be here...my first few people are super nice, the told me how adorable Amelia looked in her ballet costume, I posted the pic on my IG and twitter, very kind of them , moving along to a new group of young ladies they each give me a gift and I thank them all ,it's beyond kind when a person does that for one of us, and I am always grateful we take a group photo and one of the girls Marissa smiles at me, pretty girl she can't be more than 25 "Q are you really married" I nod and put my hand up with my ring finger showing "I heard you aren't anymore" I scoff " well I am still indeed married" she tilts her head to the side and licks her lips "that's quite a shame Mr Quinn, the things I would do to you " it's uncomfortable now I don 't respond she walks away making sure she shakes her ass at me, I move on to the next group jesus it's hot in here.


	13. Homecoming

I am up reading , both kids asleep in my bed so very excited Daddy comes home in two days they made welcome home daddy posters today and a banner I will hang up tomorrow night, my text goes off, it's Michelle, asking how I am , have I talked more to Bri, I say not really , she says she wants me to see something that was posted on IG   
I say from who ? she says someone posted a pic of Brian from the pittsburgh show and copied him on his IG I have not looked so I say ok,...she sends me a text of Brian and a girl on either side of him from a meet n greet I think...one of the skanks has her leg wrapped around his hip the other is kneeling on the floor her face is inches away from his junk I see all the guys in the picture with more girls but of course my eyes cannot leave Bri I am SO disgusted, I text her back well this is fucking great, she says she did not want it to be posted all over and me catch it there she said the girl that posted it the skank , well they both are , posted and it and its been shared 487 times already and it was posted 34 min ago, I read the comments , fans are brutal calling them nasty names all the girls and there are some posting it's rude to pose like that with two married men, how funny no one yet is saying Brian or Joe are to blame...huh sadly MY husband is to blame, it s disrespectful to me, I get up walk downstairs and call him he picks up on the second ring "hey Mia , glad you called " "Oh are you? you won't be , what the fuck kinda picture is that on you're instagram? what the hell Brian? you think that's ok?" I hear him chuckle " Mia they were just a group of girls from a college dance team , meet & greet they were all being funny , it' s no big deal... I cut him off" Its not funny at all Brian one of the skanks has her leg wrapped around you're hip the other is inches away from you're dick, you think that's funny? I do not, I do not at all what the fuck is with you? ???!!!" I hear him breathing " Mia listen to me....you are ...come on we do funny poses all the time" I am SO mad " thats not a funny pose, it s sexual YOU are my husband, a married man does not pose that way, who the hell are you?" I hang up I can't even talk anymore what is happening to me? to us? I sit down on the bottom step and cry, My God what's happening to our marriage ? this is my Bri and ...it seems we are do distant from one another....he calls back , I do not pick up , I hear texts I turn my phone off and wearily go upstairs I do not like what s going on, I want my life like it was, I want these hurts t go away, I want my husband to not be mad at me, to understand my feelings, I just want my life like it was.  
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I look at Sal he looks at me I put my empty beer mug down " what if she wants a divorce sal?" he shakes his head , "Bri she s mad , that does not equal divorce" I shake my head " Sal all we did this most of the time I was away was fight, Mark and then last night and things we said, mostly me..I said mean stupid ass things, I love her I love her so fucking much , what am I gonna do?" " you are going to go home and talk to you're wife and figure this out, you know she loves you, people fight in relationships it's a normal thing, come on you know this , married people, anyone dating it happens, does not mean it s the end , Brian you & Mia have been thru alot you think just cause she's mad about a picture on IG she wants a divorce?" I shrug " It's more than that Sal, something is off, we are not acting like we usually do, I feel it, I know she does, I am worried thats all I know, what if we can't get back to where we belong Sal? they are my world, my three " He pats my back he tries talking to me, but I only half listen I feel like hell and worried as it too.  
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The kids can't stop squealing, they keep hugging and kissing him he holds them close and kisses them repeatedly, he tells them again he loves the banner and posters they made, they are so proud I smile I love seeing how happy they are, I feel thier joy, I look at him he looks at me, Landon is watching us Brian comes over and hugs me I hug him back It feels good , Amelia breaks in and asks for him to pick her up he does and she kisses him and puts her hands on either side of his face "daddy I so happy you here I missed you so much my daddy" he smiles and kisses her " I missed you so much too my princess she hugs him tight, Landon hugs his waist m Brian picks him up & hugs him close, they just love him so much, I smile and go into the kitchen to take dinner out the oven after a few mins he comes in "dinner is ready, are you hungry?" he nods yes " Mia..I.." I look into his eyes " we can talk later ok? " he nods I would rather he enjoys the kids and they get time with him, I know we need to talk and we will but I am not ready, I thought I was but I am not...I am still mad and hurt and I just do not know what to say right now, the kids come in he turns to tell them he has presents for them they are all excited he goes to get his suitcase they follow him jumping up and down clapping thier hands. I finish up the salad I was making, he is home  
I missed him, I do not want to be mad , or hurt I want to kiss his face and hold him close...I want alot .


	14. Homecoming Part two...

I carry up a sleeping Landon after putting a sleeping Amelia to bed, they were with me on the couch they fell asleep snuggled up to me, I loved it. Mia was at the other end of the couch , with us but distant , I missed them so much I lay Landon in his bed kiss him good night turn his nightlight out and go to get into my bed, Mia is already in bed I go into the bathroom wash my face and strip down to my boxers, I took a shower earlier and I still smell like Irish spring I love that smell, I get into my side of the bed , Mia turns her lamp off and lays down she turns her head to look at me "they are so happy , I love seeing how excited they are that you're home" I nod "I missed them terribly, I missed you as much Mia " she gives me a small smile " it's been a long day and night, can we talk tomorrow I'm exhausted and I know you are too " truth be told I am exhausted and I'm glad she suggested it " sure that's fine .....night Mia " she looks at me leans over kisses my cheek "night Bri " I close my eyes I can hear her breathing " I'm glad you're home " I open my eyes and look at her, thankful she said that I smile at her she closes her eyes, I look at her, I missed her and I love her ...love her so much ..my last thought for the day and I drift off to sleep...  
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I woke up from his snoring it wasn't that loud but not hearing that next to me for six weeks , kinda startled me, I look at him and brush the hair from his forehead , my hand lingers by him I rub his cheek then move my hand to his chest , I watch his chest rise and fall as he breathes , my Bri ...I rub his chest then Run my fingers thru his thick shaggy hair "I love you Bri, I missed you " I say out loud as he sleeps then kiss his face again , I sigh and try to get sleep , deep down I know we need to talk and we will, I just don't want to deal with that ....right now it's a lot to think and say and just not what I want for me or him, I know I'm happy his body is next to me in our bed, where he belongs, no matter what my god he smells good  
I want him,....but we need to talk first ugh , he's so sexy it's hard to resist but...I do then close my eyes and sleep.  
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I'm up making breakfast I am still off on sleeping and different time zones so I figured I'll start breakfast for my three I've got the waffle iron ready, eggs are cooking I'm starting on cutting up strawberries my kids eat them by the dozens , I hear a knock at my garage door I see its Mark...oh wtf I open it "hey Bri you're up, I wasn't sure if you'd be up figured Mia would be, how was the tour ." Figured Mia would be wth "no she's sleeping, tour was good " he nods "glad to hear that I dropped by on my way to the station here s all the demographics for our site .. got em done last night ". "Great thanks so it's ready to go, it'll do great " he nods "I'm thinking so Brian .... well enjoy you're family I know they missed you an awful lot see ya later buddy " I say bye and lock the door I go from disliking him to feeling bad for it to disliking him , not good . I finish up breakfast I'm pouring OJ when Mia walks in ....looking so pretty hair pulled up some curls falling down ...pink pj pants and a white tank with a hoodie I smile at her she walks over and hugs me laying her head on my chest I wrap my arms around her hold her to me , neither of us say anything just hold one another she's the first to move "you made breakfast very nice Bri " I grin "waffles they love them " she nods and picks up the packet mark gave me "the demographics mark stopped by ?" I nod she looks thru the packet then sets it down I place the glasses of OJ down "you know he's just my friend....right ?" I look at her "I never said or implied different on you're end I just noticed the way he looks at you and I'm not the only one that sees it " she looks at me and I sense her annoyance "it hurts me to think that you'd think I would entertain that and before you say you don't remember what you said to me that night you found out he helped me in the downstairs bathroom " I know exactly what I said I didn't mean them and she said things back I'm sure she didn't mean. " I know I did not mean alot of what I said like you did not mean what you said..she looks at me like she wants to say something " say it Mia, whatever you are thinking" she shakes her head no " It would not be productive Brian " whats the hell that mean? I start to ask her when Landon comes in "hi daddy, hi mommy ooh waffles I Love them you make em daddy?" I nod yes pick him up put him on the counter kiss his cheek he hugs me tight , Mia gets the plates ready and Landon sits down next to me, a few pass and Amelia comes in" I smell sometin good, ooh waffles hi mommy , Daddy I almost forgot you was home!" she comes over and sits on my lap I kiss her head " I am home princess , how could you forgot?" she laughs "daddy I was sleeping...I not member but I knows now...Landon did you remember daddy came home? " he nods mouth of waffle smiling she shurgs I cut up a waffle for her , Mia sits down with us , kids are chatting away I watch Mia , she s listening and talking to them and me..she keeps looking at me ..we really need to talk. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I went out to get a few grocerys ok mostly to clear my head, I do not know what's going on, with Bri and I ...I do know it has to be resolved why in the hell am I putting it off? scares me to death I go get a coffee from dunkin donuts and sit in the jeep while I drink some of it , I see a text from Michelle, I answer it, she s worried about me, about what's going on, I tell her it will be ok, she reminds me she can see thru my bullshit, makes me chuckle, I head home and pull in, I grab the three bags and head in I hear the kids and Bri laughing, they are upstairs I put the bags down in the kitchen and head up the stairs, I hear them in Landon s room I peek in, they have built a fort I see flashlights inside it...I hear them laughing Bri sounds so much like a big kid, he's such a great dadI go back down and unpack and put the food away, "hey you are back " I turn to see Bri I look at me, his hair is all mussed up, from playing with the kids I walk over and attach my lips to his, my God I missed his lips I kiss him and wrap my arms around his waist he places his hand behind my neck and his other arm pulls me into him he s kissing me back sweetly, I push my tounge into his mouth , he backs me into the counter and my hands run up and down his back , the kissing has turned into a make out session, I can't kiss him enough he pulls away breathless " what's this?" I look at him and kiss him hard "me wanting to kiss you ....and do a few more things with you , to you , any objections?" he stares at me and pulls me into him staring into my eyes " we haven't talked yet Mia..." I look at him and instantly pull away I feel stupid, mad, embaressed " I mean I " I cut him off "nope ok got it , can't kiss you or touch you till we talk ok so ...talk " I am SO mad he stares at me " I didn't mean to ....look I am worried about us and you know throwing in sex right now is not a good idea I mean don't you think ? I have been home almost 2 days and we have not talked" "ok so you want to talk about Mark? or the skanks you took pictures with on the tour? hmm what shall we start with?" his face turns to anger " I TOLD YOU THEY WERE FANS" "lower you're voice before the kids hear you !" he looks at his feet then back up at me, he's mad I can care less , good cause he made me mad " you have this thing in you're head about Mark , why I do not know, you have to stop it, its out of hand Brian, it's making me mad now..." he smirks "oh it makes YOU mad huh? well isn't that too bad cause guess what him wanting you makes me fucking angry Mia" I slam my hand on the counter "OH my God enough, shall we call him and ask him if he wants me ? hmmm? " he turns red "that's not fucking funny Mia " "I did not intend it to be funny ! see how stupid you sound?" he yells "ITS NOT STUPID I THINK YOU GET OFF ON IT " I YELL BACK " GET OFF ON IT? ARE YOU OUT OF YOU"RE MIND? I DON"T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, TILL YOU BROUGHT IT UP!!!! " " OH SO NOW YOU THINK ABOUT HIM ? WELL GUESS WHAT THOSE GIRLS I TOOK THE PICTURES WITH? ONE OF THEM WANTED TO FUCK ME I AM A MARRIED MAN SO I TURNED HER DOWN!!" I feel like all the breathe in my body just left me, my eyes fill with tears he closes his eyes them opens them I wipe my tears away and damn myself for letting him see me cry, I knew deep down that shit went on on tour, but i never would allow myself to think about it...till now...both the kids are standing in the kitchen now they look at me, then Brian "mommy why are you crying ? why were you yelling daddy?" Landon comes over to me and holds my hand, Amelia looks at Bri I clear my throat "we were just having a disagreement , it's over now, sorry we did not mean to yell, right daddy?" I look at him he nods , Amelia looks at me I force a smile "hey how's that fort can I see it?" she nods and smiles Landon keeps looking at me and Bri "landon honey come show me what you have going on up there , I love to see what you created " "Ok mommy I can show you " I follow them out I shoot daggers at Brian and go upstairs with my babies, after a few minutes I hear the jeep leave, good cause right now I don't even want to look at him.


	15. What's happening...

It's almost one am I put the kids to bed , they asked for Brian a few times I lied and said he had to go work they are sound asleep he hasn't called or texted how mature he isn't. I go into the kitchen to make tea I hear a knock at the door it startles me I look thru the window on the front door there stands sal and Brian a drunk Brian it looks like grand , I open the door Sal says hello and leads Brian in I close the door Brian sits on the couch sal looks at me "I drove his jeep here , my cousin followed us he's waiting outside " "thanks for getting him home safe Sal " he nods hugs me and leaves I lock up and set the alarm Brian is standing by the fridge drinking a bottle of water I wait for him to finish he looks at me "went out and got drunk " he shrugs "I did and now I'm back and we can talk talk talk " I can't stand him right now "you re drunk I'm not talking to you , I'm going to bed " he moves to lean against the counter "go on avoid us Mia cause that's how we'll make us better " l look at him "I'm not avoiding anything Brian it's almost two am you are drunk " he scoffs "I'm tipsy at best not drunk " "so that was the better option instead of talking to me ?" "We were yelling not talking " I cross my arms "I wonder why I yelled telling me a fan wanted to fuck you and you're such a loyal husband you didn't do it well you are wonderful Brian ...I mean I should feel grateful you thought of me " he shakes his head "I suppose you wanna throw out my cheating on you ?" I shake my head no "I wasn't thinking that , Brian ... I'm going to bed and you can sleep on the couch or spare room just don't come into our room " he stares at me "not to worry I was gonna crash on the couch with my drunken self " I shake my head and walk upstairs I check on the kids then go to bed I lie awake thinking ...what's happening to us? Does he even want to try ? Does he even care ? Do I ? I'm mad and hurt and want him to apologize but he's so smug and acting like a jerk ...well I'm not giving in no way, no how . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Been three days we barely talk I'm taking the kids to my parents in PA it's about an hour and a half away the kids are watching a movie on the DVD player I have the SUV , I feel like I'm entering a point of no return I'm scared she doesn't care I'm scared we are both to stubborn to fix this ..I need to give in and make it right two good reasons are in the backseat ...I decide to let the kids stay at my parents tonight they'd all be in agreement and happy I know . I need to save my marriage, our marriage.


	16. Point of no return?

I picked up dinner on the way back, I texted Mia the kids were spending the night at my parents, I come in and set the food down its so quiet , I call her name no response I look upstairs she's not there , I checked all over the house, my jeep is here where is she? I start to text her when I hear the front door , she comes in carrying her cell phone and a bag "hey I was wondering where you were ?" She takes her coat off hangs it up " Mrs alanza wasn't feeling good so I checked in on her brought her dinner , sat with her till Robert got home," I nod "she's not feeling well?" " Not so much , Robert has to work I overtime all week asked if I'd check in on her ,he's such a good son ". I nod " he sure is " I get plates and silverware for us , she washed her hands then gets us drinks , we sit down across from one another , I eat she picks at her food she sets her fork down looks at me , I see tears I put my fork down , she wipes under her eyes "Brian I want to fix this, fix us....I know we've been mad at one another for a while now, over some big things , and some trivial things ..I want to ....I'm very insecure about myself, about us, ....I can't seem to shake it" tears roll down her face , I get up and kneel down by her I take her hand in mine "did I do that to you? " She wipes the tears on her sleeve she hesitates " Mia ....Tell me " she sighs "some of it is....Has to do with you ". I feel awful " it's within me..I have ... Issues I ...When you're gone " she can't finish she's crying hard now I pull her into me " Mia I was mad when I said that about that fan I am so sorry , it was stupid " she pulls away looks at me "but she said it, she wanted you, like many women do...She was bold enough to say that to you..Do you know what that does to me? I'm not naive I get the oogling and sexual comments come along with you're popularity, it makes me feel awful, you're my ....My Brian, not thiers, I know she's not the first or last to proposition you...They don't care you're married , but you are ". I hold her hand tighter" I care I'm married, I know I am, I belong with you ,not them believe me " she keeps wiping her face from the endless tears falling down " do you really think mark likes me, or...Was that a ..To make you feel better about what happens when you're away ?" I stare at her "why would you say that? No I didn't make it Up I have eyes I see him look at you" she stands up so do I "all of a sudden you noticed this? He's been around me over six years now " I put my hands up in the air "well maybe since his divorce he's noticed you more he has told me more than once how pretty you are " "so he thinks I'm pretty that translates to you he wants to have sex with me?!" I scoff and say something I never ever should have ever said "any pretty woman a guy sees he wants sex from them " she looks at me shakes her head "so all the pretty girls you see you want sex from ? I mean you have so many opportunities Brian wanna fuck em all!!?? Wow you know what I'm done " my eyes go wide "done with what!?" She tearfully looks in my eyes "I worry all the time about that Brian and you just confirmed it for me , I can't live my life that way , I love you Brian so much but it's becoming a challenge being married to you anymore " omg is this really happening? I feel lifeless , and once again my words that I say I regret but I'm so upset I yell "our marriage is a challenge!!?? Well fuck it then and fuck you too Mia you're not sure perfect in all this you think you are , you wanna end it ok then !!"" Her face she looks crushed she looks at me "no I didn't want to end our marriage...but truth comes out you do ...so " she nods I see her hands trembling she walks past me goes upstairs I hear a door slam followed by sobbing wtf just happened what did I say ... I sit down lay my head on the kitchen table I hear her sobbing it's killing me , I didn't mean.. I go upstairs for I turn the doorknob to our bedroom door locked "Mia please let me in I didn't mean it I was mad...Mia please ??! " I hear sobbing and go away I sit on the floor by the door my heart is broken what have I done.


	17. Reeling

She never unlocked the door till this morning, I was on the couch she came down her eyes all puffy her nose red, she looked at me then went into the kitchen I barely slept ,I go in she's making tea "Mia please look at me" she does but won't make eye contact with me I walk over and stand infront of her , she lifts her eyes to mine "what do you want Brian?" I run my hand thru my hair , for maybe the 50th time since last night, " I was mad, I did not mean what I said" she shakes her head "you know that people tell the truth the most when they are drunk and or mad? I read that" I shake my head "well I am not most people Mia, I am you're husband remember that? we got married ?' she nods yes " you never wanted to get married though " "not till you , that s true " she moves to get a cup from the cabinet she turns to look at me " you did not want a lot of things ,Brian " I know what she's about to say and she better not " do not say what I know you are, you know I love my kids, they are MY life, no I did not want kids, but that changed too when I met you " she backs off she can tell I will go off she pours the hot water in her cup her back is to me "I think we should separate " I feel weak in my knees I take a breathe "you look at me when you say It " she slowy turns around " you look in my face, into my eyes and you say it to me " I step a little closer to her ,she looks into my eyes , then away ....she looks back again " I think we should separate" I hang my head and tears fill in my eyes, she stifles a sob and leaves the kitchen I sit at the nearest chair and just cry I feel like my life is over, she's my Mia, I cannot be without her, she can't mean this, can she ? My God what has happened to us? what did I do? it has to be fixed it can't be this way, not be with her? not see my kids every day? I feel sick I run to the backdoor fling it open and throw up in the backyard, I can't believe this what the hell am I going to do? I sit on the back porch and just cry I feel the hurt in the pit of my stomach , my heart aches , my Mia wants to end us.  
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the kids are tucked in and asleep, I tried my best to look ok , his parents saw right thru us, they ended up driving the kids back to spend more time with them, I told them Brian and I were not feeling well, she offered to stay and help I said we would be ok weather his mom or dad believes that I don't know , what am I going to do? I think maybe a separation may help us sort things out, but its just a step away from divorce he's changed , and I am not putting it all on him , I know I am not perfect far from it but I know him and he s not the same, be it being on the road or the show, or all of it and I can't shake me feeling bad about myself, I love him I will never love any man like him and I want no other man,now or ever. He's been so quiet since the kids went to bed he tucked them in and went to the guest room he looks lost, I know we need to talk about things, where he will stay I mean he can stay here. its his house and the kids oh I do not want them upset, they do not need to know yet...IF a time comes where we can't make it right again...then....ok I go to the door knock on it he says come in I go in, it's dark I only see some light from the moon thru the blinds I sit on the end of the bed he's laying on his back " I was thinking...you know you should stay here Brian , the kids ..I do not want you to not see them and vice versa it's you're house too and...we can .." he sits up and turns the lamp on, he wipes his face off with the sleeve on his arm he looks terrible " we can what Mia ? you want to be separated so that means what ? I stay in this room? we only talk when we have the kids? what?"  
he's so upset I don't want to say the wrong thing, again..."I just thought it was better for the kids" he pulls his knees up to his chest " do you understand what it means to separate I mean you are not that clueless right? it means I move out and get the kids every other weekend and a weds maybe or Tuesday and you and I can go to court and work out custody " I stand up "that is not what it means and I don't want that "  
he stands up "well what the fuck do you want Mia hmmm ?? cause you make no sense at all" I turn to go he grabs my arm not hard but I turn and look at him " you are killing me Mia, I need you so much and love you so much , is this is how you act? you are going to ruin us , and I will tell you , you keep this up and I am not coming back , once we are done, we are done Mia, so think long & hard about what you want " I back up  
and stare at him , part of me wants to hug him and kiss his face the other wants to throat punch him " and let me add this sweetheart (he moves right to my face now) there is no one other guy who will ever do to you're body what I did, ever " he says it with such meaning and forcefulness I get the chills I leave the room stand in the hallway and breathe, I know he's right about that, no man will ever compare to him , I also know I will never want any other man, yes sex is important in a relationship, but not if it's not with Brian. I go to my room and go to shower , I cry into my hands in the shower, this is a nightmare . I know I caused some of this. My Bri...my Bri...


	18. saying the words

there I said it...it's out there all three are looking at me , Joe is the first to say something "Q man...I am ..I don't wanna say sorry, sounds so stupid but I am , hey it's not a divorce " I fiddle with the straw in my glass "may as well be Joe what's the difference it's gonna lead to that " he sighs , Sal talks next " Bri look at me?" I look at him " I know you better than anyone, well so do the other two at this table, you do not want this" I shake my head no "nope I do not , she asked for it so..." Sal smacks the table with his hand "hey so you just say ok? you roll over and die? come on man that's not you , you want this for you ? for Landon and Amelia ? " hearing they're names I tear up, my babies Sal softens his voice " she loves you , ok she is mad and hurt but she loves you Brian ,I see it and you know it , you two can fix this it'll take work but it can be fixed " I sit up and move my plate I barely ate " look all that aside SHE asked to be separated she stood in our kitchen of our home that we bought, and live in and raise our kids in ...right there, looked me in the eyes, it about broke me if I did not have Landon and Amelia..." I stop they all three stare at me, Sal is upset he tears up and looks away Joe looks down Murr speaks up now " you listen to me Brian do NOT say that shit again, you are not going back down that black hole ever again , we all love you and you're family and yeah you're kids too, YOU are their dad and do not let them pay for it by saying that, or even acting on it...you will work this out one way or another and I know it hurts like hell, and will for a while, but YOU my friend are not going anyplace you got it?!" I love him , all of them I nod " I am sorry I did not mean it"  
man I say that a lot as of late I look at Sal he's still looking away he wipes his face I pat his arm he looks at me and nods " sorry buddy I am , and Joe Murr , sorry " Joe nods " its ok Bri, we have you're back thru this, best friends. always " I nod and I know it and I am so grateful for it.  
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I hear the sirens they are closer I am holding Amelia on my lap she's crying, screaming in pain, Mia is holding Landon, I tell her it's ok they are almost here you will be ok baby girl,. Mia lets them in , they take her from me, she is crying for me I hold her hand they confirmed what we thought her appendix , she 's double over in pain screaming Landon is horrified , Mia is fighting back tears, I tell Mia follow with Landon I will call someone to meet us, I am riding with Amelia in the back of the ambulance I go with her they close the doors , I have not let go of her hand she's so scared I tell her to look at me..I see they are starting an IV she s in so much pain, but she's looking at me " you know what I was thinking (she shakes her head no) remember Geo the Giraffe we fed at the Zoo last summer, ? he was one the coolest huh?(she nods they stick the needle in her hand she cries more ) baby look at me (I hold her chin and move her little face) and what did he do to me? you remember ? " she nods and tells me thru her tears " he took you're Yankees hat..ates it " I smile "he sure did huh? " she nods after her vitals and I tell them her age and weight they start the pain meds..does not take long and she drifts off I let out a sigh and show my fear to the EMS guys " she needs surgery right away right? " they older one looks at me nodding" frank (pointing at the other ems guy) calling the er now they need to get her in asap, it's close to bursting, I bite my lip and shake my head "these just come up on you son, you had no idea, (he looks at her) poor little angel that s a lot of pain, you did good, trying to distract her" I nod and keep looking at her I kiss her little hand, we pull into the ER , I look and see My jeep pulling in too , I hurry send a group text asking the guys someone to come for Landon, and I let my parents and brothers know, we get out and Mia is carrying Landon swiftly to us, they wheel her in , Mia sees her and starts to cry I take Landon from her and put my arm around her we go in the Dr s meet us and a nurse they let us know what they re doing , we go back with her for a brief moments and kiss her , so they can prep her for surgery , I hold Landon so he can kiss her cheek he cries again I kiss her too tell her daddy will see her soon, Mia leans over and kisses her many times tells her she loves her so much and will see her soon, and away they take her a nurse explains more to us, then we have paperwork to fill out, Mia does that while I hold Landon. Time passes, Sal and Joe arrive I talk to my Mom, and brother I tell them stay put I will call them its almost 11:35 pm , Sal sits with Mia and talks to her, Joe takes landon from me and holds him they go get a snack from the vending machine, Mia goes and hands the nurse the paperwork no update yet, Landon and Joe come back < I tell Murr its ok he can stay home no need us all being here I will keep him updated besides Landon is going home with Sal, and Joe is taking them, it s gonna be a long night, let Landon be away from here we kiss him bye, tell him we will call and let them know, Amelia will be ok, she hesitates ,Mia picks him up and walks away with him talking soflty to him he nods and she puts him down , says he's ready to go , I thank the guys kiss Landon again and watch them leave, Mia walks over and looks out the window of the small waiting area   
"she was so scared, she came into our room holding her side crying , then she just fell and that's when I yelled for you , (she puts her face in her hands and crys I walk over and pull her into my chest she clings to me , I rub her back tell her Amelia will be ok ,  
she just cries, I hold her close, I missed holding her, of course I wish it was not under these circumstances , we move to the couch I put my arm around her and pull her close to me " Brian it was bad, you know..that Dr said, Dr Patterson that..." she starts crying again, I move her and look in her eyes "but it did no happen and yeah It was bad but she s ok now , Mia she's going to be ok" she nods her face looks at me so sweetly , she takes my hand in hers and holds it on her lap, we sit and wait,,.my little princess, the wait is not easy but I know my baby girl will be ok.


	19. Staying a float

He 's asleep in the chair next to her bed, her surgery went ok, but she had a setback and needed a blood transfusion she has been here two days, soon to be the morning of the third day, I went home to take care of Landon, his parents came up and are staying at the house to help with Landon, I got him ready for pre school and took him , trying to keep his life normal in all this, Brian has not left the hospital , I brought him a change of clothes yesterday when I brought Landon up , he did shower though...we both sleep here I have to make him eat, this has been emotionally draining and with the other stuff we are going thru, its compounded it much worse, I kiss Amelia's face she's sound asleep I go and kiss Brian's forehead he wakes up looks around "hey you ok?" he nods scrubs his face with his hands, "landon ok? " I put clean clothes by him "yes, we had breakfast and I took him to pre school , you're mom is picking him up, later they are coming up, I brought you breakfast " he sits up looks at Amelia gets up kisses her face " not hungry...but...thanks " I look at him, he looks awful , besides scruffy " you don't eat enough , please sit down and eat breakfast " he scratches his head " I'm not hungry " I sigh and go sit down on the couch facing Amelia "she woke up around 5 something, she was scared, I laid down with her, she went back to sleep, I think she forgets she is here " my poor baby girl, I hope she can come home sooner than later , he looks at me comes and sits by me " a lot of time to think in here, not always a good thing " I look at him "I wake up and for maybe a few moments I forget you want a separation..but then..it comes back to me and the pain is fresh all over again " I look at him like really? he gives a look " what ? I am just telling you how I feel" I get up " great thanks for sharing that Brian , I mean I am not upset enough " he tilts his head " maybe I want you to feel bad , worse as bad as I feel " " how do you know how bad I feel ? or that you're pain is worse than mine? hmm you don't so just be quiet " " you asked for the separation I am the one moving out not you!" I go to say I did not say you had to move out when Amelia speaks we had no idea she was awake "daddy you moving ? not live with us?" ooh I want to punch him he goes over to her " no , honey ., I said the wrong thing, made a mistake I am sorry sugar, hey baby how you feeling ?'"  
he changed the subject and she went with it, thank God I go kiss her and sit on her bed smoothing her hair back , he kisses her face " daddy's gonna go shower OK? be out soon" "ok daddy, ..mommy I hungry " I smile at her sweet face " you're breakfast will be here soon, but I have snacks , I go to get them and bring them to her, we sit and talk she asks if I will braid her hair , I move to do while she eats , I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water anymore.  
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Landon and I are outside, kicking his soccer ball around, he starts his indoor soccer games next month, Amelia is sitting watching us, she was running around earlier but got tired, she' s been home two days and she looks so much better, my sweet baby girl, Landon my sweet kid, he's been fussing over his little sister, he has a heart of gold, the love I have for my babies, is so overwhelming at times. we go in , starting to get really chilly, I smell soup as soon as we go in , she's setting the table "hey monkey' s I made chicken soup for dinner, " Landon looks at her "mommy you used the tatalinie?" she laughs I smirk he means tortalini she nods yes "better than noodles right? my little Italian kids , pasta eaters you are" Amelia looks at me " daddy you like dat soup? I love it!" I pick her up " I do sugar lets wash up & eat ..come on Lando " they follow me to the downstairs bathroom , we wash up and go sit down , Mia sets the bowls down , Amelia gets up sits on my lap, she has been very clingy with me since the hospital , ok yeah I love it she kisses my cheek then gets down kisses Landon and he kisses her back, then she goes and kisses Mia, comes back to me "daddy you're turn you get up and kiss our family!" she loves doing this, I get up lean down and kiss Landon he kisses my cheek, I go to Mia lean down kiss her cheek then go to kiss Amelia "no mommy you gotta kiss daddy too !" she smiles at her I turn around lean down she pecks my cheek "mommy that not a daddy kiss, you kiss daddy on the lips , cause you marries right Landon?" he nods mouth full of soup, I go back and lean down  
she looks at Amelia then me, she moves her lips to mine and softly kisses me, my god I miss her kissing me, I kiss her back , she kisses me again , this time placing her hand on my chest , her lips on mine, taste so good, I hear the kids giggling I pull away from her, her face is flushed so is mine, I step away she looks at me Amelia laughs " that's how mommys and daddy kiss" landon is cracking up too I sit back down I don't know what just happened but I liked it a lot, Amelia sits back on my lap, I eat and glance at Mia her face is still flushed, and I love it. @@@@@@@@@ I'm in our room sitting on our bed I hear him in the kids bathroom taking a shower I still feel his lips on mine ... I want him SO much it's been almost three months between him being gone and us having problems we've never gone that long ..I hear him in the hallway I contemplate getting up and asking him to come into our bedroom but I hear the door close to the spare I don't move a muscle why in the hell am I so nervous? This is Bri ..ugh how crazy is this about an hour passes I stand up put lotion on my arms look in the mirror open my door and go stand outside his door I hear talking he's watching something I hesitate...I bite my bottom lip I start to knock when I hear him come up behind me "need something ?" I jump he scared me "I just wanted to.." I can't finish he's standing staring at me shirtless he kinda smirks ... My heart is racing he s holding a glass of water I watch him drink some the whole time he stares at me .. "nevermind" I walk past him I hear him turn the doorknob to the door I turn back and grab his arm he's in the room I pull him down And kiss him his glass of water drops he wraps his arms around me and kisses me hard he pushes the door closed with his hand then pulls me to the bed I grab him and pull him on top of me hands are everywhere our mouths keep crashing into one another's ...I'm pulling his pants off yanking on them in one swift move my pj pants are gone then my panties be pulls the tank over my head I have his pants down I reach down to pull them completely off I kiss all over his chest his mouth sucks each one of my nipples I gasp from the force he uses he pushes me up on the bed kneels and looks up and down my body I get goosebumps he leans down looking into my eyes my god his eyes are beautiful I've missed them he leans down gently kisses my lips I feel his tounge glide across my bottom lip I move my hands down his chest back up he shivers he moves his lips to my neck and starts sucking hard it hurts a little it'll leave a mark I don't care I moan I feel him moan into my neck then he plunges inside of me omg I grab his face and smash my lips into his hes ramming in and out me my whole body moves with every push my head hits the headboard I put my hands on it to try and move down and I can't he grabs a pillow and throws it Behind my head my god he's fucking me so hard I could scream I feel his thumb on my clit and I moan pretty loudly I'm going to explode I don't want to stop it's so good I feel my orgasm building his leg shakes I know he's going to cum soon he rubs my clit faster and fucks me harder I cum and feel my whole body let go , he groans loudly and I feel him cum in me he throws his head back and moans after a few moments he moves his head his face is by mine we are both breathing hard ...I move his hair out of his face he moves off of me and lays next to me both of us sweaty breathing hard ....the room smells like sex and his aftershave ...I want him again.


	20. Time after time

It's been two days since the incredible sex Mia and I had , we are talking but it still feels odd she hasn't brought up the separation , we aren't on track but we are not bickering which is a good thing I think, her and Amelia are out shopping Landon s at his friends Max s house , I'm going to get him in half an hour just going back over the websites and inventory but I'm not concentrating like I should be, I want Mia and the kids to come to LA next week we are there over a week I don't want to leave them alone that long and LA would be fun for them and maybe help our marriage, I love her and never want to be without her, never ever. I get up grab my keys and phone and head out to get Landon.  
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I pick Amelia up and carry her to the parking lot pushing the cart to the SUV she's talking to me about her new shoes we ordered on line two days ago she's so fun I adore her I put her in her booster and load the SUV we are meeting Bri and Landon for dinner ....Bri I can't get what happend two nights ago out of my head, I find the thoughts invading my mind all day, at times it takes over all my thoughts , I day dream about it, so was it I just needed the sex ? Or do I want to fix my , our marriage.? I know that we both wanted it , it was so good because it had been a while yes, but that connection we share was there, I miss that , I miss a lot of things where Bri is concerned. To think about him not with me , I mean really think about it, he'd be not mine anymore, sure he'd always be in my life , we have two kids together , and that's a bond that will never be broken. I don't know my head is so full, I just know when I think of him I love him and don't want to be angry anymore .  
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We are waiting to be seated , calling ahead and still have to wait 20 minutes with two hungry kids, not fun..but Amelia is amused watching Landon play a game on my phone , Mia is next to me lots of people standing waiting the kids are sitting we are standing infront of them, I feel eyes , as in someone looking at us, I'm not full of myself but I know if I'm recognized but that's not it this time...there's a guy on Mia's left side glance I see he's eyeing her up and down, she's talking to the kids oblivious to the pos next to her, ok I'm not dumb she's beautiful I don't blame the guy , but ...he just keeps doing it I'm beyond annoyed , I put my arm around her shoulders she looks at me and smiles at me, the guy gives me a look , not a nice one I smile smugly at him, our name is called we take the kids and follow the hostess to our boothe Mia sits next to Amelia I sit with my baby boy, after she settles the kids in she looks at me " you let that guy know I was with you, cute Bri " I look at her , she knew? She smiles as she reads what's on the menu to Amelia I shake my head, I'm amused and open Landon's pack of crayons , about halfway thru the meal the kids are eating and coloring" Mia I'd like you three to come to LA next week I'll be there week and maybe...it would be fun for you and the kids ..and I mean think about it" she's looking at me "ok I mean I think it'd be fun for the kids Bri , they don't like being away from you and....(her voice trails off) " I'm hoping she's not wanting to be away from me too..." I'll book the flight for you three then " she nods the kids are preoccupied didn't hear they are going , I know they'll be excited " Brian thanks for asking , um I'm glad we will all be together , family time, always a good thing"  
I nod agreeing , maybe this is moving in the right direction, back where it should be. Time after time I'll always want her, I think she feels the same, she's easy to read, I've known her long enough to read her, but as of late I've lost my touch , or she's changing , either way I miss her....I just miss her.


	21. In the air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead *

It's warm and sunny it feels good feeling the sun on my face and body I'm holding Landon's hand as we walk around LA seeing some sights , Amelia is holding Brian's hand , second day here and it's been nice the kids swam in the hotel pool last night and I'm sure will want to again tonight. Bri points at the destination, the aquarium the kids are jumping up and down so excited. We did t tell them where we were going just that it was a surprise. Once we are in and paid we start exploring, the kids are enthralled with the jelly fish exhibit, they are pretty cool. Brian moves by me standing behind Landon "this is so cool " I smile at him he's like a kid it's cute and the kids always adore his enthusiasm, we walk thru stopping looking at fish, sharks , sea turtles they are really loving it I feel Bri take my hand in his I feel warm ,flushed and it's not from the California sun I glance at him and hold onto his hand it feels good holding his hand I always feel safe holding his hand. We make our way to the sea turtle show and sit down Landon on Bri's lap Amelia on mine I notice on my left side someone is taking pictures of Brian I hate that he's with his kids I get it's cool to see him and all , I say left to him , code word for to the left a person is taking pictures he moves slightly and I lean forward we are trying to block the kids from the photo (s) I move Amelia on my lap so her back is to her now .. and that damn woman walks to the right side now to take pictures are you kidding me? Brian moves Landon off of him and sits him next to me then goes over to the lady I see them talking her nodding then him coming back over he picks Landon back up then sits him on his lap again I look at Bri"I asked her to please not take pictures when I'm with my family if she wants to wait till after the show I'll take a picture with her" I nod and pat his leg he's such a good daddy , the show starts and I'm half watching it and the kids expression s and Bri's too I'm so glad we came to LA.  
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Night time swimming wore the kids out I just put them in bed , kissed them goodnight and make sure the nightlight is on in thier room I walk into the kitchen area of our suite Mia is wringing out thier wet suits "two water babies we have " I nod and grab an apple from the counter " they really are and out like lights now " she smiles and hangs the wet towels over the chairs in the kitchen she bends down to move a pair of flip flops pops up and hits her head on the counter she yells out in pain holding her head I move to her and look at her head it's all red already she has tears in her eyes I grab some ice from the freezer and put it into a cloth from the kitchen I place it on her head she gasps and moves back " Mia ice will help it s swelling come on " she nods I gently place it on her bump she winces and wipes her eyes " brilliant I am geez " I smirk and move hair out of her eyes , her hazel eyes , her face is glowing from the sun she's gotten for two days I move closer I swipe my thumb under her eye wiping tears away I keep my hand on the side of her face she reaches up on her tip toes and places her lips on mine I kiss her back still holding it feels on her head I move my hand from her face and wrap it around her waist pulling her into me , we stand there kissing I love her lips on mine she moves her hand to my bare chest and lightly scratches it , then moves her hand to my waistband of my shorts she moves her hand slowly into my shorts and rubs the tip of my dick I move my face from hers her hand is so soft she looks at me "Brian tell me what to do " I feel excited fuck it's been so long since she said that to me since we've done this she's looking up at me fuck she's so sexy I clear my throat lean down kiss her "lets go to our room " she pulls her hand from my shorts I lead her to our room I sit on the end of the bed she stands infront of me I pull her onto my lap she straddles me I wrap my arms around her and kiss her deeply she's grinding on me I hold her hips I thrust up she moans into my mouth I move my face from hers" fuck you're sexy .. I want you to ride me, I want to lick you're sweet pussy , I want you to suck my dick and I want to fuck you " she stares at me stands up and takes everything off till she's naked I reach my hand to her stomach I move it to her pussy I rub her clit she is so wet I grin stand up and take my shorts off she touches my dick again I sit on the edge of the bed tell her to turn around she does I pull her back to me tell her sit on my lap straddle me she does I reach around and finger her she's moaning and gyrating her hips " I think you like when I finger you don't you ?" She replies her voice shaky " yes .. yes Brian" I move faster rubbing her swollen Clit till she cums her body shakes I move her up then push into her she moans then sits back on my lap I slowly fuck her she moves up and down on me placing her hands on my thighs I kiss her back run my tongue over the back of her neck she shivers she's bouncing so hard on me I wrap my arm around her waist and just fuck her thrusting up in her hard I feel my orgasm it hits hard I cum and lay my head on her back we are both panting after a few minutes she moves from my lap turns around facing me and Kisses me " lay on that bed I'm going to lick you're pussy " she bites her bottom lip and does what I told her to do I kneel I between her legs " ask me " she looks at me I nod she s blushing fuck so hot" Bri ..will you ..lick me ?" I stare at her she sighs " Bri will you lick my ....pussy ?" I grin and lean down and don't leave her till she Cums again she sits up panting " so do you want you're dick sucked now Bri?" I nod I'm up on my knees she lays on the bed and goes down on me fuck I grab her hair and yank it she's sucking so hard I want her mouth on me so much it doesn't take long and I cum she swallows all of it I fall back she lays on me kissing my chest I feel her body on mine doesn't take long for me to get hard " time to fuck you baby " she smiles and kneels on the bed I get up and move behind her I grab her hips and just bury my dick in her deep in her we are moaning and saying how good it feels I pump her hard she grabs the sheets bunching them in her hands fuck I cum again deep in her she yells ..I move from behind her and pull her next to me she cuddles into my side ..amazing doesn't describe what we've just done but ,,,it's a good place to start .


	22. Why the hell is she here?

I hear the kids I feel the sun creeping thru the drapes in the hotel room I look over and see Mia is already up , last night ..fucking awesome can I say that do I sound like a teenager? Well that's how I'm feeling my god I missed her , the sex yeah a lot feeling her close to me all night was great felt like it should I get up throw bottoms on and walk out into the living room and kitchen the kids are at the counter Mia is making breakfast they are playing I spy Landon sees me "I spy daddy !" They laugh I go hug on them and kiss them I walk over to Mia she smiles reaches up kisses me." Morning Bri " I smile kiss her lips she hands me a plate of French toast and fruit I thank her and lean across the counter talking and eating with the kids Mia joins me stands next to me and rubs my back , we finish up , we are filming an episode today my three are coming later to the set then we are hitting up comic con tomorrow I go get ready to leave got a text the car will be picking us up by 10, I kiss them all bye then head out, we are all ready and get in and go Joe keeps looking at me "yes, Joe?" he smiles and nods at me " you look happy buddy..nice to see is what I am thinking " I nod look at all three of them " I am and it's a good thing " we all talk till we get to the location, as I am walking with the guys I stop in my tracks...I see her, and I can't believe I am actually seeing her, wth >? why is she back here? this is NOT good at all, the guys see her too and look at me Sal puts his hand on my shoulder "Q do not ..let's talk to Danny and see what s going on before you get upset come on" I walk right up to Danny "can we talk please?" I ask him he nods yes and we walk over the side , the guys are standing waiting "why is Ellie here? she was fired a second time I might add and she s here? I refuse to work with her Danny I mean I will quit the show, and walk away from it, no way this is...look my wife means everything to me and right now......just no so I am giving you notice now I am done" he stares at me then smiles, wtf is this guy smiling at, I am not amused, he shakes his head "Q you are not quitting the show, she is only here in LA to help cause we are down people, she was out here, she asked me if she could help and that 's it , she is not working with us again she is here helping in LA that's it , that 's all I swear to you Q" I look at him and shake my head and walk away , I talk to the guys we go over and start the day, later on I see Sal over by her, I am as far away from her as possible, my three will be here later and I can't decide If I give Mia a heads up or wait till she gets here , either way I really hate this. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I see her, I knew she was here, Bri told me and also she 's just filling in , she keeps looking at me I just want to punch her smug face a few times at least, the kids are with Bri I am standing by the water table not saying much , and observing Sal comes over and puts his arm around me "dinner later? right? " I look at him " yes ..dinner later" he sighs "hey I took it upon myself to let her know...she is so stay away from him that I personally do not like what she pulled last time, that Bri is married and she needs to respect that" I look at him again " Sal, as kind of you as that was and it was , part of that blame still lies with Brian, it took two that night Sal and I ...that's forgiven , for years now..but I know how she operates and I will watch her like a hawk everytime I do not trust her at all..at all ...and right now....it's fragile with Bri and I and I do not want to ruin it Sal I am working so hard to not do that" he nods and hugs me closer he 's always been so sweet to me, and an all around nice guy I am thankful for his friendship. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ my phone goes off, it s' 2:40 am it scares the hell out of me, I see it's a private number, prob a wrong one I lay back down, then my text goes off I pick it up "Brian its me Ellie please can you come get me? I am at some bar and the people I came with left and I am all alone I called uber over an hour ago they say they can't locate this bar it's not in a great area, I think they just won't come here...PLEASE Brian I have NO ONE else here to ask, I am scared the bar is closing @ 3 and I can't stay here" I read it and re =read it I look over at Mia..she is sound asleep I sigh and get up I text her send me the address I grab my clothes and the keys to our SUV rental and go to get her, without really thinking about it...which maybe in the long run would have been a better idea.


	23. What is going on??!!

I blink my eyes adjusting to the light coming in on my face...I feel a horrible pain in my head I look around , where the hell am I ? I am in some basement is it? I see a washer, dryer, a pool table I think ..I can't tell, what the hell ..I go to sit up and I can't move I move my arms they won't move wtf!!!??? I look down my arms are tied down to a mattress my legs too WTF is this a punishment? did I black out?  
I yell hello? nothing...wtf is going on..I hear a door open then see nike tennis shoes on the steps a light goes on above my head I squint it's bright a person stands infront of me..what in the hell is  
going on? who....what the ...Ellie? she sits down on the mattress next to me and moves the hair out of my face I flinch back she smiles "there there honey its ok I am going to take care of you , are you hungry? I will make you some French toast I know how you love it" this is a joke, right>? it's the guys...playing a trick on me? I stare at her she smiles again and touches my chest "ellie where the fuck am I ? what is going on? get me outta here now, untie me " she stands up and looks at me" Brian honey I can't do that , you are mine...you know you are...you are going to stay here with me in LA life will be so great honey" I try my hardest to get lose, its not use this crazy bitch " brian you can't get up I mean I will let you sit up soon...once I know you won't try and leave" "are you out of your f in mind? you can't just keep me here, people will look for me, the guys, my family my wife" she glares at the wife comment " they will I am sure...but they won't find you ...and they will get used to not having you in their lives " I scream " are you f in insane? I have kids, I am not ..I hate you , you realize that? you are a f in physco bitch!!"" she smirks " you're kids will be ok, I mean you were never supposed to have kids anyway remember? at least that's what you told me Brian, now I am going to make you breakfast be back honey " I watch her go upstairs a few min later I hear music omg I HAVE to get outta here  
my God , I remember going to get her last night....and...think Brian...think...she asked me to walk her in cause her alarm was not working...and...I did..I only stood in her doorway ...I can't remember anything past that..how did she get me down here? what happened? my God my Landon, Amelia and Mia..my family the guys, dear God I know I have not prayed to you in a long time but please please help me....please...  
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I keep looking at the officers, Sal is next to me Murr on the other side, Joe is standing up on the phone...the kids are with Bessy in her hotel room , it's been over 7hours since any of us has heard from Brian, I keep thinking this is a joke...like a bad joke ...but its not...they keep asking me the same questions over and over I keep saying the same thing , his rental was found way downtown almost 2hours from the hotel, his cell phone is off and they can't trace a ping on it...where is My Brian? what happened to him? I feel like I'm losing my mind , Sal s arm is around me another question after question. I'm answering them they are just rapidly firing them I can't take it I stand up and yell "I don't know where he is you keep asking me over and Over I gave guy my cell phone I'm helping you ..are you looking for him!!?? He doesn't just walk Away something happened to him he would never ever leave his kids ever!!! Yes we were having problems but we were ok getting back to us I refuse you're he left theory !!! You don't know him I do now fucking find him!!!" Sal gets up with Murr and put thier arms around me I just sob omg where is he? My Brian something or someone is keeping him from us please god bring him back I beg you ... I can't even think straight his parents and brothers are heading here , the kids my sweet babies we told them he's working on a podcast and they accepted that for now... they are getting access to his texts but not soon enough for me Murr brings me water I take a sip then sit sal sits with me the two officers say they'll be back a detective is on the way I nod Sal holds my hand the guys are so upset but are so great with me thank god for them @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ It's getting dark I refused to eat breakfast I kicked the lunch away she made I hear her head down she has food again "ok Brian I made one of your favorite things pasta primavera now you have to eat or you'll get sick " she sets it down then kneels and moves the ropes on my arms they are loose now I'm able to sit up she puts a pillow behind my head I wanna cry she sits by me running her fingers through my hair god I hate her I pull away she grabs my hair pulling it "you better stop treating me meanly I'm the one taking care of you Brian Quinn just me that's all you have " I give her a mean look " you're shit to me I have a wife kids family friends who love me " she yanks my hair hard down to the mattress then smacks my head hard " Brian I don't want to hurt you Honey but if you keep acting like you are " I don't say a word she gets up and goes over to the desk where she set the dinner I won't eat she comes back with my phone in her hands she looks at it then I see her reading "how he hell did you get into my phone?" she looks at me "I have my ways, I had to be sure no one could get a ping off it, once that was disabled I can get into your phone..aww the texts that people have been sending you asking where are you ? Brian are you ok? Brian honey please call, I love you Mom ...please call us...on and on...but one...stood out to me , even got me a little teary eyed want to me to read it to you ? " I glare at her "ok I will ...My Bri honey where are you ? please call me, or someone I know you did not just walk off that's not you , the police are here, detectives we are looking for you baby I know you would not leave Landon and Amelia they are ok honey, they don't know what s going on ...cause none of us do..I know something or someone is preventing you from coming back, I love you my Brian please baby if you see this, know I love you forever and I will not stop looking for you, we all love you baby" ...aww how sweet" I fight back tears I don't want her to see my weak but hearing how worried Mia is and the kids...my God its enough to break me..my parents...its all too much for me I shed tears she comes over quickly and wipes my face "there there baby its ok...I know it hurt to hear those words what it'll hurt even more is that you wont' ever see them again...but you have me baby and I will always love you and take care of you " she cradles my head and I feel like throwing up ...ok I gotta get my head straight I gotta play her game if I ever want to get out of here...I need the strength to do that I know I can....I see my babies faces...and Mia and I know what I have to do even though it will taste like poison I will get out of here.. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I stare at his parents then the detective his brothers the guys I shake my head " no he did not ...go someplace and...no he has 2 kids he would never ever do that " the detective looks at me her name is Maryanne she looks sad " I know Mrs Quinn that its hard to think of, but it has been mentioned that he had ...those thoughts in the past and..." I jump up and don't let her finish "HE DID NOT GO SOMEPLACE AND KILL HIMSELF DO YOU HEAR ME? HE DID NOT...SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEONE HURT HIM I DONT KNOW BUT HE DID NOT..HE HAS TWO KIDS HE ADORES AND A LIFE HE LOVES THATS IN HIS PAST ...STOP SAYING THAT DO YOU HEAR ME? I SWEAR TO GOD SAY IT ONE MORE TIME..STOP ASKING ME..US QUESTIONS AND FIND HIM FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!" I feel arms go around me Sal is pulling me away from the room into the hallway I can't stop shaking, Jimmy comes out to stand with me I want to see my kids I look at them both" I want to see the kids please...I ...will calm down I just need to see them please !" Sal nods yes " lets get you calmed down ok honey? come to my room we can get you some water splash some cold water on you're face ok? " I nod Jimmy comes with us they are walking next to me like I am some fragile doll I feel like I may collapse any minute , where is my Brian? god where is he?


	24. We need him

It's 4:50 am Brian has been gone, missing for almost 24 hours, they thought they found a ping but it was disabled, that tells me someone did something to him and I am terrified , FBI is working with us now, The kids are with his parents it helps all four of them, they may go back home with them I do not know, the kids miss him and ask even though he's away why can't they face time him , I said the internet there is not working a 4 and 3 year old will accept that , but not much longer my god they miss him , I miss him we all do...something is not making sense at all...where did he go? and why did he not wake me? I do not know, all I know is I want him to be ok , I want to hold him, I will never let him go again. We need him , I need him. I meet the guys and family in a meeting room in the hotel one of detectives Maryanne sits with me, Sal is with me, she 's been helpful at first I did not like her, but...I was wrong she looks at me " I am going to ask you a question and you can get mad at me but remember it's to help us ok?" I nod...."was Brian seeing another woman? " I shake my head no ...she looks more at Sal he looks at me then her "no he was not, he was...he is totally devoted to Mia , no way " she nods...:"ok anyone here that he has some connection with? a friend,? an ex? " I look at Sal "oh my god...his ex gf ...Ellie she came to LA to help with the show, as a stand in or something, she lives here now...they dated before I came along" she writes what I am saying down Sal gives her a last name she says she will be back I look at Sal" sal do you think she knows...did something to him? " he looks panicked, "anything is possible with her...wtf why did I not think of her before?" "she may know something...oh my god Sal they HAVE to find her " he holds my hand "they will Mia, they will" I hand my head and close my eyes please let this be a lead...something to getting him back ...please.  
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I am upstairs in her living room handcuffed to a chair she brought me upstairs to shower with a gun, she pointed a gun at my head yeah she did and she s still holding it , my God she s ouuta her mind  
she s going on about dinner and she got movies for us to watch ok Brian play along,..this has to work "so you got popcorn to go with the movies you know how I love popcorn" she smiles and comes over by me "course I do and you're favorite aww honey (she sits on my lap I want to choke her with my one good arm I don't she has a gun and my arms feel like lead from being restrained so long )   
you know Brian we could be happy , I mean when we broke up I missed you terribly....you seemed to move on thought " I tilt my head to the side " no it was just that I was trying to forget you, hard ya know?" she nods...."why did you have kids with her Brian? you told me you did not want any...you lied to me?" she looks angry I do not want to ...you need to get out of her brian "she talked to me into it and uh ...you know got pregnant I mean what could I do? you know? " she smiles an eerie smile "and well I had to be ok with that , so ..." she nods "two kids Bri? one I get but... I mean do you like being a dad? you can't right? ." I shrug "well you know she fooled me again and uh being a dad....is not my favorite thing...but" she lays her head on my shoulder I want to throw up, my kids babies Daddy did not mean anything I just said, if she kills me, and says that I didn't I love you both more than anything in this world, I feel like I am going insane she gets up and leans in to kiss me, fml she kisses me I kiss her back feels so wrong, I have to fake this she stops and looks at me "Brian why are you ...being this way ? now? I mean you're change in attitude is...well baffling and yet I am wondering if it's sincere or you are trying to win me over?" win her over wtf does that , mean ? "look Ellie I just....you know my feelings for you never ever completely went away , and now ...with me here and you   
I can ....tell you so ...you know believe what you want ,,.but " she stares at me I stare back , I see a smile start to form on her lips I could puke she runs her hands thru my hair and kisses me again her hands roaming all over my body I feel like fire I hate it I kiss her back the whole time not wanting to look at her I feel her hands roam down by my waistband JC she wants sex? how the hell please just make it stop ...I wish I was passed out this is too much I stop kissing her she looks at me " Ellie I can't do this...my hand is cuffed I mean ...come on and I ...uh need a drink " she gets up goes to get a beer opens it hands It to me I take a sip "Bri there s no way I am un-cuffing you I don't trust you so sorry " she sits back on my lap I chug the beer, I will need a whole case to look at her I want to smash her face with the beer bottle I think about it as if she knows she pats the gun on her side I contemplate grabbing it it's hard to reach though where my arm is, dammit I set the bottle down she licks her lips leans in and starts kissing me again....  
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Maryanne told me they called Ellie and she said she had not seen him , they still don't have his last texts we are waiting for those, stupid T-mobile this is important , Bri's brothers took the kids out to eat and play we are all in my hotel room waiting...the other detective Alec comes in and says they are going to pay Ellie a visit , standard procedure after calling someone they wanted to be sure she was home  
I look around and see faces, of people who love my Brian , so upset, worried, tired, angry ...all emotions, Maryanne pats my leg " honey we won't give up....I promise you that...maybe Ellie knows more than she s saying the officers we sent over will see, we work hard in the first...hours so we ...can get something solid , Murr says" after 48 hours it s hard isn't it?" she looks at him, then me nods yes I tear up "we will find him it has not been 48 hours, it's been 27 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds since he s been gone" they all look at me, yes I have been counting down every second he's been gone  
I cannot be without him , this is a nightmare I need to wake from, this is not happening, how can it be? this is Brian , my brian and he's missing and we need to find him , safe and ok ...I can't go on without him My heart aches I feel it in my chest , I am so nauseous I get up and run to the bathroom to throw up, I have not eaten today ...I feel so sick I dry heave my stomach aches I sit on the floor in the bathroom and look at my phone, the picture is me and Bri & the kids from Disney...my stomach just wont' stop hurting...I swallow and try to calm down....I notice the date on my phone then think...  
I should have had my period...I ....oh ...dear ....Lord...I think I am pregnant...  
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	25. Help him ...help me

I'm awake it's 3:20 am I don't remember falling asleep I was exhausted still am I sit up I feel in the pit of my stomach the hurt he's missing and I'm pregnant I went to the store in the hotel and bought a test last night he's going to be so excited we didn't plan another child but he's such a great daddy and he will be so happy .... what if ..I just cry my god don't think that way Mia but what if ...he'll never know this baby ... oh god where is he ? I lay down and just cry after a few minutes I hear knocking then people are by me I sit up I can't stop crying sal sits by me I ..my hands are shaking I can't stop crying why are they looking at me joe takes my hand his mom hugs me I can't stop crying she holds me tightly I feel shaky ...after what seems like a long time I lay my head down on the pillow I can barely move I feel like lead his mom sits by me holds my hand I feel like I'm going crazy ....I just can't understand why this happened please I sit up then stand up sal steadies me I look at them all" I'm sorry I just feel like I'm losing my mind I just want him back ...he did not go off you all know that right ? Someone..something happened...god I love him so much I can't imagine....Landon and Amelia I can't even.. do you realize he's my world I'm sorry we had problems but I never ever stopped loving him he's my Bri he's. The man who loves me with all his heart and who loves me with all that he is I cannot be without him ....I'm pregnant...I just found out I just want my Bri " I can't stand I kneel to the ground lay down and just sob I feel  
People around me arms around me I want my Brian my sweet sweet Brian  
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My hands are chained up I'm laying on the mattress in the basement again there's a gag over my mouth I heard men's voices earlier then she left the suns starting to go down the next time she uncuffs me I'm making my move I have to and if it goes badly then at least I tiried I can't keep this up I gotta be free I have to see my kids my Mia ....I see thier faces infront of me that's what I see I miss them so much , I try and just focus on them ...time passes I hear the basement door open I have a plan in place ok Brian don't blow it you got this yuh wanna see you're kids wife mom dad family my best friends..I will do this I can do this I take deep breaths I don't hear her coming down but the door opened ..I hear a man yell Lapd I'm coming down I'm armed I try screaming I can't with the gag I hear him come down the steps I hear him scream" he's here he's here !!! " he comes over and takes the gag out " I'm officer gordan are you Brian Quinn ?" I nod yes I'm overwhelmed I start crying he pats my arm " it's ok buddy you're safe we got you ok. ? " I nod I hear more footsteps I see two more policemen two emt s they work on getting me umcuffed the paramedics Start checking me I ask please I wanna see my wife talk to her please !!" The officer I think gordan tells me he'll get me to her I'm able to get up but fall over they catch me and put me on the gurney I keep asking for Mia they get me to the ambulance shut the doors before the crowd can see the cop tells me my last text was from Ellie they were casing her house she was taken into custody...they are taking me to the hospital saying I'm dehydrated they notified my Mia my family they are on the way to the hospital I close my eyes I'm thankful I'm greatful ...I want to see my Mia @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ My hands are shaking we are waiting to see him I can't stop crying my Brian my sweet bri..three doctors come out tell us he's dehydrated has a few lacerations but is ok what did that crazy bitch do to him ..they say we can go my legs are shaking following them , his parents the guys his brothers are headed up with the kids they open the door .. his face is a little sunken in his beautiful eyes still are still shining his eyes lock with mine I hear him say Mia I rush over and hug him to me my Brian my love ..he's safe he's ok I can't stop hugging him I can't stop crying ..I pull back wipe his tear soaked face " I love you baby " he tries to speak he can't ..everyone is around him now he won't let my hand go and I never want him to


	26. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead *

Three days later I'm home in my bed my stanten island home I don't miss LA maybe I'll go back there maybe not the FBI the police I'm ever thankful for all the interviews glad it's done they were great people but enough I gues. For the trial I don't have to be there hopefully not I don't wanna see that person ever again...I hear Mia in Amelia s room , Landon's laughing to hear those sweet voices it's incredible and I'm so damn lucky to be home the door opens and Mia comes in with breakfast for me " hey baby you hungry ? I made you breakfast "  
She sets it down I see French toast and I feel sick to my stomach she sees my reaction to the food I smile but she saw my face she's looking at me it clicks she takes the plate out of the room ...I told her some things she said when I'm ready to tell her no rush ...I don't wanna think about it she comes up with ice te a hands it to me then sits next to me "you just tell me what you want bri I'll make it or get it ok?" I nod she holds my hand "thanks babe feels so good to be home my bed ." She smiles she runs her fingers over my wrist they are both all bruised from the cuffs I hate that physical reminder I'm sure she does too "bri the kids are making a fort so cute I helped them with the blankets they call it the snowed in fort " I laugh my babies "I'll go check it out " she moves next to me now lays her head on my chest by my heart she puts her arm around me I hold her close to me we don't move or talk just close to one another I didn't know if I'd ever be near her again my Mia she moves her face to mine kisses me gently her soft sweet lips I love them and , then the kids run in jumping on the bed I grab each one holding them tight Mia hugs all three of us I kiss them all repeatedly " daddy guess what ? Sissy n me have a snow fort wanna come see it ?" " I do buddy let's go " we all climb outta bed and go sit under the blankets of the snow fort me and my three .  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ The next day the guys are here visiting and doing some writing I am so glad to be back with them my best friends and back to writing it helps a lot I hear Mia and the kids playing twister upstairs and lots of laughter I smile and continue writing joe hits my arm " you're wife she's pretty damn great you know this I know you do but had to say it " I nod "she's my world...guys how was she ? I mean I know I can imagine but..." all three look at me sal clears his throat"she was Mia strong but she had moments bri she loves you worried she was , we were there with her never left her , she s ok Bri " I know my girl I know she Was so scared I don't want to picture in my head what she went thru ...James looks at me "I can say this Brian everyone should have a Mia in thier life " we all smile crack up "what you guys did for her, the kids my family I can't .." I get all choked up joe gets up the other guys too I stand up and hug them Sal pats my back "you'd do the same for us buddy " joe and James nod I'm a lucky man and I know it all too well . @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Kids in bed bri is sprawled on our bed I close the closet door and go get my hairbrush he puts his arms out I go over and lay down hugging him he holds my face kissing me deeply his strong hands his scent I love him so much he moves my hair off my forehead " I love you baby I'm never letting you go ever I can't be without you " I kiss his sweet lips "you and me Bri always I love you with all that I am " he holds me close I lay on his chest so content "nothing sexual happened " I pick up my head look at him "she tried but it didn't ...I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't " I sit up" no baby you can tell me anything honestly I can only imagine so whenever you need to you can " I pull her down to me "my girl the thought of never seeing you again . ..scared me so bad there was no way I could let that happen " I feel tears on my chest I hold her tightly my poor girl what she went thru she sits up"I had moments where I ...but I knew you'd be ok ,you would come back our life Our kids I know you were not going to leave us, them ...I knew that I'm so sorry you went thru what you did and I'm here I'm hoping you know you can talk to me honey no matter what when you want cause nothing will ever , I'll never not love you bri " I see him tear up I move my face to his and kiss it repeatedly he starts to smile he pushes me off of him gently then back he lays on me god I missed his body on mine I want him so bad but I'll let him decide he looks into my eyes then we kiss long slow sweet kissing my whole body feels it his hand slide down into my bottoms his finger rubs my very wet clit he grins "I know that grin Mr Quinn" he laughs "mrs Quinn you are quite excited I love it mmm I could eat you " I bite my bottom lip "anytime Mr Quinn " he kisses my neck mmm his lips I want him so bad ..I feel nauseous oh geez not now little one I have to sit up "bri honey I need to sit up a minute sorry " he moves I sit up he looks upset , worried I don't want him to think anything bad "Bri I have to tell you something .. I found out well I'm pregnant " he stares at me he sits up more then stands I get up he's not saying anything I watch his face he runs his hand thru his hair he pulls me into him hugging me he moves then puts his hand on my belly I tear up he smiles kisses me "you're happy bri " " of course I am baby another little Quinn aww honey you ...us...three kids wow " I smile hugging him his arms so tight around me I cherish him and his hugs I feel so safe everytime he holds me he rubs my belly then lays us down he removes my bottoms I help him take his boxers off he kisses down my body after kissing my neck and my nipples he kisses my belly then rubs it "hey little Quinn daddy loves you , mommy s going to be moaning soon but it's ok she's not in pain quite the opposite " I start to giggle then feel his tongue on me I feel so much heat his tongue is perfectly licking me "Mia you taste so good baby " I start to respond but can't his tongue is back making me moan and move, everything he does to my body is perfect I cum he keeps licking I moan his name he runs his lips and tounge up my body his mouth crashes into mine he enters me I love his filling me up , he's so deep in me he's moving kissing me I can't get enough of him now or ever I feel his leg shake I wait to feel him cum in me he moans into my mouth and I feel him cum ...he lays his head on my shoulder I wrap my arm around him feeling his body against mine a feeling I missed and craved he moves his head to look at me " I love you my Mia " I rub his head " love you my Bri " he lays back with his head on my shoulder I rub his back till he falls asleep...safe , home where he belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this story ..one will follow "Our Journey" hope you like it.


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